I bought the Bounce dryer bar that adheres to the inside of the dryer. It lasts for about 100 loads, and you don't find the sheets wedged into your clothes.
How do your pets roll in that?
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
You need to get my W's playbook becuase it is working....really working. Two years ago I was close to being the WAS now I am obssessed with getting her back.
"I agree that I was controlling while we were together, but not now."
You don't believe you are controlling based on your current understanding of what that means. It's not how your W sees it. The A (she feels) controlled her for years. Just because you aren't there doesn't mean the effects have gone away. Think about post traumatic stress disorder. It's the same thing. Just because you're out of the war doesn't mean that the effects have disappeared.
On your part, all of this overanalysis of whether or not you should even send her a birthday greeting is also controlling. You say you want to send her a greeting because you love her. Wrong answer. You do it as a friend would. You acknowledge it because it is important TO HER not because YOU LOVE her. A very small difference, but a difference nonetheless.
Treat her as you would an old friend - with compassion and not over-the-top gestures of love. This isn't about your feelings any more. It's about hers.
"Most of you are lucky...maybe not in that your spouses are in communication with you. So you understand where you stand and can adjust to the sitch that arises. So in my case what should I do? I know GAL, 180's what else....my W cannot see my 180's if I do not see her."
You see what you wrote here? You believe you are GALing, 180s, etc. to get her to see that you are changing. It doesn't work that way. You do it for yourself and make them life changes so that they see that the changes are real. You've been at this for less than a month and think that your changes now will erase years of her insecurites from the A.
Have you ever thought about seeing a C to discuss how you can re-establish trust with your W?
DBing is about doing things that will yield a positive interaction.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
I agree with you in that I am doing things for her and I am slowly transitioning in doing these things for me.
In regards to the b-day email my concern is that my W will see it as manipulation on my part. Even you question my motive regarding the email. My email if I send it will be very simple HB with no syrupy message attached to it. And it would only be sent to acknowledge her day.
I feel like I am walking in a minefield that is why I am over analyzing things. I want to do the right thing because it is the right thing to do and not do things as in the LBS script.
"In regards to the b-day email my concern is that my W will see it as manipulation on my part."
Mindreading. Why on earth would you think she would see this as "manipulation"? Just a simple "Just wanted to wish you a very Happy Birthday. LBS" and that's that. It's not pursuit. It's being courteous and considerate.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I feel like I am walking in a minefield that is why I am over analyzing things.
You got a choice since you are in the middle of a minefield.
1. figure out the area, the # of mines and their surface area, how many steps to the other side, what's the probablity of stepping on one?
2. Learn to fly. Cats are enthralled by birds and love to catch them.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
