I want to piggy back Puppy's comments a bit more here. TAM, what you need to do is validate H's comments without sharing what you are doing/going through. The key is to reflect back to H without getting pulled into H's drama/crazymaking talk. The below comments work as well:
If your H rants or goes off the edge, a simple "I am sorry you feel this way" is the best way to defuse the situation.
Remember this is not about YOU. And I would strongly advise to stop even mentioning the OW or even acknowledge her in your convos. I looked past it whenever I talked with XW and she was flummoxed by it. Never once did I bring it up or even made a peep about it. And guess what XW never mentioned the OP to my face. This goes for all DBers as well.
The only time to talk about OW/OM/OP is if you are in the reconciliation phase.
Wonka - you would be proud I think...last night my H was at the house to see the girls and he started talking to me about our R, and I stopped him and said,"I don't want to talk about our R. tonight." smiled and asked him what he was going to cook the girls for dinner.
TAMF m:41 xh:41 T: 20 M: 15 D: 16 D: 14 Bomb dropped: 7/3/10 separated: 7/15/10 H moved in to new apt. with OW: 7/1/11 divorced: 8/26/12
Spent yesterday with my H cleaning our basement storage areas to get our house ready to sell. As always we get along really well. Very peacefull. As we were going through boxes and rubbermaid containers we came across all of our high school and college "stuff". We went through photos, old cards, letters...he was very thoughtfull during the process. At one point as he was looking at a newspaper article about himself. It was an article that said "(town he is from)STAR decides on college choice" and he said with sadness in his voice that he missed those days.
See my H was truly a high school football and basketball star. Little kids would come up and ask for his autograph after games. Sports were his life.
I didn't say anything. He is in replay - bigtime! just kept working.
Then we came across wedding stuff. He was looking through a book with wedding info and photos and he handed the book to me commenting on a friend in one of the pictures. I took the book and said (couldn't help myself),"so sad". He asked why I thought it was sad and I said that because of us now. He looked at me and said,"exactly, look at the situation we are in right now and we can still spend an entire day together as friends, that says a lot about us and what we mean to each other."
After we were done I thought he would take off as usual, but he sat down in the basement and watched a college football game with me. I didn't say anything, we just sat there. He wasn't in a hurry to leave. He kept asking me what I was doing that night and then would say that he wasn't doing anything would just watch football. It was strange.
I asked him about the new place he is moving into in Oct.and asked if the girls were going to be able to come stay with him. (his current place he shares with a guy from work and it isn't a place the girls can go to). He said that is was. I looked him in the eyes and asked if he was moving in with the OW (who by the way still lives with her husband because she can't afford to live on her own). I deserved to know. He said no (looking me right in the eyes). I told him that if she does, that was it. I would file immediately.
I meant it. That is where my standing ends.
TAMF m:41 xh:41 T: 20 M: 15 D: 16 D: 14 Bomb dropped: 7/3/10 separated: 7/15/10 H moved in to new apt. with OW: 7/1/11 divorced: 8/26/12
