SMACK!That would be the sound of the 2x4 AJM just put up side my head. And believe it or not I'm going to say thank you.
I'm not going to pretend his words didn't sting because they did. I had to retract the claws and rethink the day.
I do have compassion for his feelings but it is very hard to remember that and show it when you are being cursed and yelled at. I am confused but I have never waivered from where I am. I've always said I'm more gone than I am here. I've always told him I had issues to work on. And that's what I'm still telling him. I feel that he is yo-yoing me around. Stay, leave, stay, leave. He pushes me to the point that I say ok then I'll go and then he changes his mind again.
I don't know if you know this or not and I'm honestly not sure it makes a difference. But when I originally dropped the "bomb" on our M, I never said I wanted to leave. I didn't say I wanted to leave until he pushed and pushed over a period of 4 months. I've always said that my thoughts were to muddled to make a solid decision. I just wasn't ready to actually walk out the door. I'm the Walk Away Wife that hasn't gone anywhere. All I've done is say I'm not happy and something has to give.
I know that there is a lot of ME's in my post but that is because that is all I can control. So when I say that I'm working on my demons it's because that's all I CAN do to help our marriage. I can't change him. I can't expect him to see things the way I do. I try to stick to ME so I don't fall into the blame-game.
You are right about staying being the hardest road to travel. At times it just seems like we could both focus better if we were alone and not rehashing everything so often. I will probably have alot more days like this one between now and the end (whatever the end may bring) but I've fought my whole life and I'm still fighting. But I'm so tired.
Doodi
He's not changing his mind. He's reacting to a stress level. When the stress level gets too high for him to bear, he reacts, either to pursue or push you away.
You didn't say you were staying either. Nature abhors a vacuum, and in an absence of info, he assumed the worst case.
As a much smarter person has said, it's not about what you feel is right, but what works.
