I knew NOTHING about my Hs EA/PA until he told me. He said he couldn't handle the guilt anymore. Said he loved her. I convinced him right off that he needed to break it off with her and stay with me. He swore he would never see her again, but kept communicating via text/calling. I freaked out - but he said he would not stop. After 2 weeks - he said he needed space and moved in with a friend. All of our friends and family found out because I had a total panic attack/breakdown. Everyone knows. This is hard now that I realize the reason for the EA/PA is a MLC and I am standing by my marriage. My family and friends think I am insane. That is very hard to deal with. But they are coming around to supporting what I want and what is important to me. The ones who don't, I have distanced myself from.
Our Ds (12 and 10) know everything. We both felt it was important to tell them the truth because my husbands mom had an affair when he was young and it has turned into a big family crisis now that all of the children are adults - some knew and some didn't until now. Secrets manifest and become horrible over time. But that is just our experience and we hope that telling our girls the truth will avoid the same issues my Hs family is going through now as adults.
We sit down with our girls one at a time and talk to them about what they are feeling and that is thier chance to ask questions...some that we just can't answer (like, are you getting a divorce?) but we are ALWAYS honest with them. This has really seemed to help and considering everything, they are doing okay. But my husband and I have always gotten along and never fight, so our girls feel comfortable telling their dad how they feel.
As others have said above...no one does it the same and there isn't a right way or a wrong way. my only advice is to do what you feel is right, not what you think everyone else would do.
TAMF m:41 xh:41 T: 20 M: 15 D: 16 D: 14 Bomb dropped: 7/3/10 separated: 7/15/10 H moved in to new apt. with OW: 7/1/11 divorced: 8/26/12
