I am running to get there and beat her to the finish line.
What prize to you get if you beat her? I can buy you a ribbon and mail it to you.
If done in a healthy way he would be detached and self confident. That's the cake. If she starts the movement and opens up communication, that's the frosting.
Pinhead is right. Just acknowledge the day and that's it. "Just wanted to wish you a very happy birthday, LBS"
No "Love, LBS", etc. That would be pursuing.
The point is that if you were to do it and EXPECT something in return (an acknowledgement, etc.), then you're controlling. Do it for the sake of doing it. Not because you are going to get something in return.
It's why during this ordeal you have been controlling. You are (or at least believe you are) doing something in your sitch and EXPECT a return. Whether it's an acknowledgement for your efforts or a reaction or something, that's you being controlling. Even your understanding of "detaching" is controlling. Believing that you have to do it as if you don't care about her is wrong. It's about taking your feelings out so that you allow her the space to grow on her own. All I've heard were things about YOUR feelings and it's that attitude that pushed your W away in the first place.
When you have an A, that's all it's about. YOUR feelings. So by following your line of action now, you're still doing the same things you've been doing all along.
If I read correctly, you're an engineer. So you're a natural "fixer". This is something that you can't "fix". Your W has to heal on her own.
If she goes out on dates and you start screaming about them, what would that accomplish? She's just going to think "well you did it and so can I". She's doing it to get a sense of self worth and validation. She felt she wasn't getting it from you, so she might try to look for it in other men.
Think about how your interactions were with her. REALLY think. Did you do more of the talking or listening. Start listening now. There's no sense beating these little things to death.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I know. There are two paths. Create warmth by showing kindness, empathy, love. Or going dark and maybe creating mystery to get her to stop running.
These are the facts:
1. My W has not spoken with me in 9 weeks. 1a. I have demonstrated 180's by showing patience, humor and confidence. 2. I have recieved 2 eamils from her each time I went dark and let her go. 2a. The first email I overreacted with too many emails and pushed her back. 2b. The second email she sent on her own and I sent her a reply the next morning and did what she requested. More 180's (still had her mail, did not change the lock on the mailbox). 3. She has kept every email that I have sent her since this thing started.
If I send her a b-day email, which I would love (heart) to do then I violate letting her go and my word means nothing to her. i am not a gambling man and certainly do not want to do anything by the seat of my pants. My thought process seems valid to me....keep poking holes though.
