The problems between my W and me were all around lack of intimacy, which is pretty separate from the kids.
Is it? Would you think kids would benefit or not from seeing mom and dad treat each other special, affection, and all of that?
You say it didn't matter. Why are you so sure? Wouldn't you want them to have marriages where they treat each other well and value each other and are affectionate toward each other when they grow up and marry?
Everyone "benefits" from perfect, ideal circumstances. The problem that Future is illustrating is that even in the case of imperfect marriages, the children suffer from divorces and experience a net loss. Studies bear this out. However, in the case of destructive and seriously dysfunctional marriages, children can experience a net gain from the divorce.
So, to say that children would benefit from experiencing an ideal parental marriage does not mitigate the damage that occurs to them from divorce.
Look, I am not saying that we should all throw in the towel and write off our children if/when we get divorced. I just don't think we should bury our heads in the sand about it. We will not be equipped to deal with the damage if we cannot even admit that it will exist.
