My kids are doing pretty well overall, but I know they've internalized a lot of pain and anger. Even two years in, I still regularly hear "I wish you and Mommy were still together", "Why did Mommy move to a new house?", etc. There is still crying and clinging at transitions. My W's way of dealing with it? She turns her back and walks away from them, over and over.
I have never said one bad word about my W in front of my kids. I have only shown one brief time that I'm angry at her, and that was over a year ago. I work with my W regarding child schedules, school, activities. We attend all their functions, and usually sit together. We are respectful to each other.
Even with all this, I know my kids have been damaged, in ways that won't be clear until they are grown and building their own relationships. Our marriage had little arguing at all, and never in front of the kids. There certainly was no abuse. The problems between my W and me were all around lack of intimacy, which is pretty separate from the kids. We were great co-parents. The kids had a completely stable, warm, safe environment at home. They were scared and confused when my W moved out. They had no idea anything was wrong, and still wonder and ask why it had to happen. My W tells them it was because Mommy and Daddy fought too much, which is such BS, and they know it. They never once saw us fight, and it wasn't because we hid it so well. We didn't fight. Maybe we should have. My kids learned that a seemingly safe stable home can be torn from them at any time for no apparent reason. I can't see how they could ever really feel safe in a future marriage or family of their own. That's what makes my heart hurt.
On the positive side, I am a better parent now, no question, so they benefit from that.
