Where does the WAW go

[AJM]

Can you say SYBIL (multi-personalities)?! How do I deal with it? I get that he's scared, confused and emotional but I can't help but feel like he's making this harder than it has to be.

Really? That's an interesting perspective. No compassion for how he would feel. Since he's on this train with you, doesn't it make sense that he would be JUST AS CONFUSED as you? That he feels as you feel? Why doesn't that seem normal to you? He's that close!!!
He isn't making it harder than it has to be. It is hard. It is this hard. If it was easy, it wouldn't be a big deal and you wouldn't be here right now. But think about how difficult it is for him as well. This is not just you but your entire family. Your future. Your past. All of it. You should expect that he will MIRROR your actions and confusions. Why wouldn't he?
Makes perfect sense to me. In fact, I mentioned it earlier in a post where I told you it wouldn't be easy and to not give up and walk away. To work it out without leaving. It's the hardest way to do it, but know what? It gives you more options than any other way. It's working through it vs. taking a short cut. Once you leave, you won't be back. Really. That's how it works in most cases. Don't leave. Don't give up. Don't stop fighting for your boundaries. Don't stop seeing your counsellor. Just break this up into pieces and deal with them else you'll regret some of this years from now when it all makes much more sense.
But understand that he is hurting. At very deep levels. He is examining things to see what is his issues and what are not. That's painful. You actually want some of this to be your issue so you can fix it. You'd move mountains to make it right. But in the end, if it's not his issue, he cannot make a change. Only you can. It'll be important to know that later.

I don't know how else to explain to him that right now I'm fighting the demons in my head with all that I'm worth. And when he comes at me fighting me to prove myself all the time, I just don't have enough energy to fight everything. I can't fight him and fight my demons. I can't get him to understand that fighting my internal demons could benefit us both in the end.

Me. Me. Me. Enough about you, what about Me? That's what I hear in this sentence. But know what? I get it to. You do have an energy deficit to deal with. And issues to overcome that nobody but you can overcome. And you need to deal with them sooner than later. Got it. But please don't expect him to understand things the way you understand them. He is his own person and he is TRYING to understand what is going on. He is at a disadvantage because even though you think you communicated it, that doesn't mean he hears it the way you think you said it. Make sense?

Look. This will take time. Lots of it. Try not to do damage while you are working through things. It'll limit your options later if you do a lot of damage later. Don't assume he is going to attack you. I assure you, based on what you wrote, that is not his intention. Hurting you is not at all what he wants to do. He wants to make it better. To fix it. He cannot. He won't get that for a while other than academically and you are going to see that. It'll mirror your own swings.

And life will continue to march on while this happens. You will have a finite amount of time to get yourself worked out one way or another. And you may not have a relationship with your husband when you do figure it out. That's a possiblity. Or, if you keep from doing damage (be dilligent) you may have an even better life and marriage than you ever thought possible when this is done.

Be compassionate and see things from the other side as well. Objectively. That's really what I'm getting at. It's not all about you, princess. Even if you don't have enough left for anyone else while you put this energy into fixing you.