My middle daughter who is very close to my wife called and asked if she could use the internet at my house as it was not set up at my wifes place. I told her she could and offered her dinner but she declined. She went upstairs to do her schoolwork and I left her alone. She just left a few minutes ago and I felt sad. I did not ask anything about my wife or their new apartment. It has been one week since I have communicated or seen my wife. I have been keeping busy with friends and replacing things at my house that my wife had taken.My father-in-law called but I did not answer the phone. I have to work the weekend and will be off next week. I need to do some minor home repairs. Well I need to sleep. Thanks again to all that are helping me. God Bless You All. Bobby O
I have a question for you - one that I have been wondering about since you began posting...
Are you angry?
Your post seem so "together"...if you are angry, how are you dealing with it?
Are you normally so passive? Were you like this in your M?
Just wondering.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
This journey has been going on for one year. The answer is yes I do get angry but I exercise and try to put these things going on out of my mind. I have a support group like this forum which helps me to understand and cope. I have a network of friends and family that have heard me sound off. I generally can contain my anger and try to work through issues. There are times that I do explode but thats push to shove. My wife was the screamer and perhaps she thought I was passive. I do not believe 2 people can argue at the same time because the other person tunes out or only hears themselves and not you. My wife when angry would never let me finish a sentence without cutting me off.bobby O
While cat waits for an answer: one thing I would very much encourage you to do, Bobby. Stay the course of no contact. Only make contact with those family members if you are able to handle it. Going dark is good for you and your ability to regroup. Without that constant "what is she doing" etc. It'll help your mindset and give you perspective in ways you have yet to see.
Keep the distance lest you get sucked into the insanity Bobby.
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
Are you passive? If so, do you like that about yourself?
One more question - if you were passive - why?
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
The Last Resort Technique is outlined in the book of Michele Weiner Davis called the Divorce Remedy. It is basically the same as the 180 that is described in her book as well. She states it is a final ultimatum for people that have either separated or filed for divorce. Essentialy you avoid all contact if posible. It allows the LBS to show that life goes on and that you will function again. In some cases the spouce may try to come back into the relationship again. It does not always work but is worth a try. I suggest you buy the book and read it because it is well outlined. In regards to how I felt about being yelled at by my wife. Well my wife felt I was trying to control her. Actually I believe it was the other way. I am in a profession where I deal with the public and I have learned not to show anger. I do not believe I am passive but I try to keep a clear head. Bobby O
The Last Resort Technique is outlined in the book of Michele Weiner Davis called the Divorce Remedy. It is basically the same as the 180 that is described in her book as well. She states it is a final ultimatum for people that have either separated or filed for divorce. Essentialy you avoid all contact if posible. It allows the LBS to show that life goes on and that you will function again. In some cases the spouce may try to come back into the relationship again. It does not always work but is worth a try. I suggest you buy the book and read it because it is well outlined.
Bobby,
I have to say I honestly didn't know whether to laugh or cry at this response. No one has ever asked me if I have actually read the book or not before.
FTR, (to the boneheads...)Yes I have read DB, DR, 5LL, Dr. Phil, ACOA, the DSM IV, every post in the MLC archives, all of the resource threads, and too much more to recount.
I have lived with MLC, on and off since 1998. And still, I am no expert. No one is really.
Personally, I think you are misunderstanding LRT. It is an ultimatum. One where the LBS says we are either working on this or not. If it is NOT, well then, the LBS needs to take measures to enforce it. IE, proceeding with divorce.
It is also not a "technique". It truly is a state of mind. You have to be ready and willing to accept either outcome, no more crapping around. Work on the marriage, or end it. Not them, but YOU. Because it is the ultimate boundary.
When I saw that you were employing it for the last several days, I believed that you were confusing it with No Contact. Which, is what it appears you are doing. Detatchment and no contact.
Right now, that is exactly where you should be.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
