The reason why it is important, TH, is that when the WAS goes to a therapist, the therapist does not know not to believe anything they say so takes the word of the WAS that the feelings are irretrievably gone, etc.
Just a note MP, I'm truly sorry to hear what a negative experience you've obviously had with therapists. I can't imagine what kind of therapist there might be, that would blindly accept such a thing. When I started with my therapist last fall and told her that I was thinking of leaving my H because my feelings were 'gone' she knew enough about love and marriage to know to question that assumption of mine. Her work with me brought me around to see the error in my thinking. Mind you, she is a psychologist - perhaps there's a difference? A good therapist, through skillful questioning should be able to determine, even if the other spouse isn't present, what's really going on.
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
