I have to say, it is very confusing to those of us going through this right now to decide which way to handle the exposure.
I see the point to exposing to everyone because it makes the WS uncomfortable in all settings. I also see the point of NOT telling everyone, because some people just don't care and may choose to look at you as the vindictive one, thereby undermining any support you might have received from them.
In my case, both families know. Several close friends know. I called the OWH to let him know (although I don't know what he did with the info). Most fringe friends only know we are separated but do not know about the A. I am slowly learning that I have very little support in trying to save my marriage. Family and friends are either saying nothing or just telling me to pull the plug. His family and friends are supporting him, by letting him stay at their houses or pretending that nothing is wrong. That is hurting almost as much as my husband leaving. But I still feel that my family is worth fighting for!! It will be MY choice whether to divorce or not and I'm not ready to make that choice yet. Not until I've exhausted every possibility of reconciliation. And not until I've detached enough from him in order to look at this clearly.
I visited my L today. His recommendation is to go the dissolution route since we have kids involved. He certainly supports divorce, but thought dissolution would be easier. It is also faster - about 3 months. That too fast for me. I don't even know what I want to do right now.
As far as a separation agreement, there is really nothing I can do legally. My H and I can sit down and make a list of all the things he's responsible for and I'm responsible for, but it doesn't really mean anything. We are still married, for all intents and purposes. The only thing that has changed is his address.
In any case, I really feel like I'm going to get the short end of the stick here. I have a disabled child who will most likely live with me for the rest of my life. Spousal support will end after 5 1/2 years and child support ends for him at age 19. What about years 19 - 70 (God willing)?
What REALLY sucks is that I still want to be friends with my H. Even if we are not married, I don't want to hate him. I hate what he has done, to me, to the family. I still have a long way to go in the DB process (only about 1/3 of the way through the book). But right now, I don't see any other outcome to this other than D. Right now, I want to get to a place where we can end it amicably - is there such a thing as divorce counseling. As much as I want my family to stay together, I have to accept the reality. Today I am lost...
