Yesterday my s 8yrs put his mum on the spot with a question he asked - but he said in such a way as if I was asking. It was about her bit of fluff staying over night all the time - and she told him that he did.
It made her angry.
So today she filed for D. She doesn't know how we will split the kids, our home, ect... Just acted on a spur of the moment thing.
She told me tonight about the filing, and was still in an angry mood.
My reply was just 'ok, I am fine with that' in a calm manner.
She stated that as I had took off my wedding ring, was going on Single parent holidays with my boys and have had contact with another woman that it wasn't worth going on and dragging it out.
I told her that her moving out, taking 2/3rds of the stuff, setting up a new home and living with her boyfriend, had already indicated her intentions of separation between us.
I told her that I have never asked her to come back. I told her that I have never started a talk about us . I told her that I did not want her to come back.
She was very quiet.
She then spent 5 mins being aggressive and angry with a few choice expletives.
I calmly let go of the rope, but where required I corrected her on a few points. I did not argue. She swore - I did not. She threatened - I did not.
She accused me of manipulating her family and the children.
I asked how she was going to separate us financially - she did not know. I asked how were we going to share the boys - she did not know.
She dangled a carrot by saying That me taking off my ring meant that it was over. I told Her that my ring signified my vows to her that had been broken by her - there was no reason to wear it.
Basically she has taken a step in anger- and I did not react as she planned - I agreed that it might be for the best.
To me it felt like a DB 'last resort technique' from her. She looked for a reaction she did not get and she was very quiet and deflated when I left.
What are other peoples experiences from this point?
Do couples really recover from this point?
What should I now look for? Will she try to be more angry and assertive, or will she pull back for a while?
Regards, Gyn.
Last edited by Gynandtonix; 09/08/1008:08 PM. Reason: Extra stuff
Cause all of the stars, Have faded away, Just try not to worry, You'll see them someday. Take what you need, And be on your way and, Stop crying your heart out.
If she is with another man right now, that is going to hinder ANY recovery between you two. She also has filed for D. You need to get a L stat and protect yourself!
I am protected in that I know what she can and can't do.
I am aware of my rights - especially with the kids.
Oh she has made it quite clear of her intentions, and I am under no illusions.
But in what she said last night, and more so, how she said it, seemed a more than a little false and desperate. As I said, it smacked of the LRT being used against me.
I see no sign of her new R abating at all. In fact, it will only push them together more.
What I want to know is , what are the most common reactions after D has been filed? Anger? Retraction?
She is under no illusions that I am moving on. This has angered her. It feels that she is lashing out against my distancing myself from her.
Is this a sign she is accepting that I am moving on? Or is it a test, in that if she mentions the big D word, that I will fold like a house of cards and pine for her return?
What do they think about when they do this?
Has anyone ever experienced this and found it to be a good thing between each other?
Regards, Gyn.
Ps This quote is even more relevant now....
This is an earlier posting from Gucci Loafer;
Quote,
Wrong guys.. Wrong..
It is WHEN the WAW begins to FEEL (notice the word FEEL or FEELINGS) that the BS may not only have let go, but that they MAY (notice the word may) have now lost the BS for good...
The betrayed spouse has their best chance when the wayward stops thinking "how do I get out of this" to..
"did I go too far? what have I done? maybe I have made a mistake"....
Those thoughts CAN NOT enter the WS's mind UNTIL they start to ponder that they may have lost the betrayed spouse.
As long as the WS still thinks you want them back it doesn't matter how much of GAL you do. Part of the GAL that is so important is the part where the WS WONDERS if you are emotionally finished.. finito.. done.. The only way to do that is with NO PRESSURE. NO PURSUIT. NONE.
There are numerous examples of men and women on this site that admit they have gotten a life, but still haven't shown or convinced the WS that maybe, just maybe they have lost you for good. THAT is the key of GAL that opens the door to reconcile. (which is the biggest key the BS doesn't do.)
Unquote.
Cause all of the stars, Have faded away, Just try not to worry, You'll see them someday. Take what you need, And be on your way and, Stop crying your heart out.
As long as the WS still thinks you want them back it doesn't matter how much of GAL you do. Part of the GAL that is so important is the part where the WS WONDERS if you are emotionally finished.. finito.. done.. The only way to do that is with NO PRESSURE. NO PURSUIT. NONE.
There are numerous examples of men and women on this site that admit they have gotten a life, but still haven't shown or convinced the WS that maybe, just maybe they have lost you for good. THAT is the key of GAL that opens the door to reconcile. (which is the biggest key the BS doesn't do.) Unquote.
Would Ibe best to sign the D papers soonest, or delay a while.
Does it matter?
What would I gain either way?
If I signed quickly it would signify the end on my behalf - but I am on this site to bust my divorce....
???
Regards, Gyn
Cause all of the stars, Have faded away, Just try not to worry, You'll see them someday. Take what you need, And be on your way and, Stop crying your heart out.
Hey Gyn. You said you were aware of your rights and protection but does that mean you have seen a L or been Googling state laws? I would see a L STAT if you haven't. Don't wait long on that. Set up some free consult appointments and go from there. As for delaying or signing D papers, that is up to you. If she had you served, you have a certain amount of days to respond to her petition by.
You also asked a couple of questions which I will answer from my POV:
What I want to know is , what are the most common reactions after D has been filed? Anger? Retraction?
This varies. None of us know what is going on in your W's head but if she filed for D, that is a pretty clear indication that she wants the M to be over with. She may be angry, she may be relieved, she may feel regret. Nobody knows but her.
Is this a sign she is accepting that I am moving on? Or is it a test, in that if she mentions the big D word, that I will fold like a house of cards and pine for her return?
Whether you mentioned D or not, she has already filed, Gyn. What do they think about when they do this?
Trying to read a WAS' mind is like trying to find out a philosophical answer from a brick wall. True facts.
Just had an interesting conversation with the WAW.
I asked if she was certain that she wanted to D. She said no, but she did when she saw the L.
This was 3 weeks ago.
Turns out she has not filed - just had the first meeting to talk about D with a L.
She said that I could never trust her again.
She said I would try to get revenge upon her and her bit of fluff.
I told her straight that it has to be something that she really wants. I told her flat that I did not want to D.
She said she could not go back to 'that life'.
She 'thinks' that 'too much has gone on'
Could some one please turn on a WAW translator and give any insights.... Has she doubts..?
How should I reply to these statements if they arise in the future again.
Regards, Gyn.
Cause all of the stars, Have faded away, Just try not to worry, You'll see them someday. Take what you need, And be on your way and, Stop crying your heart out.
Could some one please turn on a WAW translator and give any insights....
She can't believe you are still pursuing her after all she has done to you.
Quote:
I asked if she was certain that she wanted to D.
pursuing. rewarding bad behavior
Quote:
She said that I could never trust her again.
Because she has done nothing to regain it. She's right.
Quote:
I told her straight that it has to be something that she really wants. I told her flat that I did not want to D.
Pursuing. Telling her what to do. Boring.
Quote:
She said she could not go back to 'that life'.
Are you listening?????????????????????
Quote:
She 'thinks' that 'too much has gone on'
Once again she can't believe you are still playing the same song to her. She doesn't want you to want her like this. She wants to be attracted to you.
Quote:
Has she doubts..?
Yes about you.
Quote:
How should I reply to these statements if they arise in the future again.
Agree with her.
"You are right I don't think I could ever trust you again. I have some decisions to make."
"You are right a lot has gone on. I don't think I want to be married to a woman who can't be faithful or trusted."
Watch how fast the dynamic changes. This is attractive and creates some excitement for her (not boring.)
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Cause all of the stars, Have faded away, Just try not to worry, You'll see them someday. Take what you need, And be on your way and, Stop crying your heart out.
