WAW, LBH looking for some help

[worried father]

I broke a lot of DB suggestions during our conversation, and I think it worked well. I was nice, calm, understanding, and after we broke through the EA wall our conversation turned to discussing our situation in a way we havent been able to since I returned from training.

I think if I had followed the outline on the affair busting chart that my outcome would not have been this good. If I had said she had 5 minutes to decide and threatened to expose it to everyone she would have felt pressured. My approach of being calm and understanding were also a part of my 180. The stern "my way or the highway" approach is the old me. In previous arguments I would push like Michele to Jim, and if she wouldnt resolve it with me i would increase intensity and raise my voice, but she doesnt respond well to that. By studying her behavior I was able to make more progress when communicating.

I told her that I didnt even need to know the details of everything that had happened up to this point, that I could forgive it because I had basically been having an EA with myself, which left little room for her in my life. After we work on becoming closer and our relationship has improved a lot perhaps then we will feel the need to disclose anything that has been left unsaid. I do not want further guilt to keep her from taking steps forward to bring our family back together.

Right now I am solution based, I think digging into the details of everything at this point in time is counter productive. I will act "as if" she did break contact, and not look into the phone records to see if they are still talking (at least for a while----possibly never if things continue to improve). This gives her the opportunity to do right without pressure from me. If it turns out she cant do that, then it may not be worth saving anyway. I felt like she would stop it. When she left she took DB with her.

I do value your input, but I have to weigh everyting i've read and been suggested properly with my own gut feelings about my marriage so that when this is all said and done, good or bad outcome, it will be my outcome. And I can be at peace about that.