My kids took the separation really bad. They were 6 and (almost) 5. As months went by, I realised my kids emotions mirrored mine. Not 100% but at least by 70% (if you can measure that with %). thta's when I felt really guilty for the devastation they lived through my devastation the first couple of months. That's when I realised I was the strongest role model they had. (Thank God, my brother (their uncle) stepped in and became their male role model).
So, kids are deeply affected by the divorce but I tend to believe kids are affected because of the way their parents deal with it and all the consequences a divorce brings (standard of living, step dads, step moms, change of routines, 2 houses etc etc). It's not a theoritical-vague thing. These are things we can improve, affect and decide how to handle.
2 weeks ago, I spent a few days with my best gf and her family. She is in a miserable marriage with a man that over the years became unbearable.He puts her down in public and in private, calls her name, repeats all the things she is not good at and how he provides her with luxury and how lucky she should feel about that. He gambles online, I believe he is cheating (she just found out she has a skin disease which by 98% is sexually transmitted etc etc). She lives in a state of horror, scared of the next time he will have a fit. During our days together, she told me she wont ever divorce him. That she is miserable and has accepted her life's joy will come from her kids, friends and family. In her head she cant see him contributing to her happiness in any way (how could she?) but will not divorce him.
I had noticed my godchild, her daughter (9 yrs old) acting funny before. While we were there, the kid had a fit. She put her mom down to me, called her names and treated her with major direspect. My friend stood there, not reacting probaly used to that. I walked up to the little girl and told her calmly but firmly that she should NEVER treat her mom like this again, period. She stopped and apologised. I looked at my friend and told her she has many things to reconsider. This girl is acting like her dad. I dont wish for them to divorce but I do believe the situation they live in, is very very unhealthy unless something changes, the kids will be grown ups with major issues with their Rs. K
