BTW I admitted right away that I had an addiction to fantasy and romance as a means of escaping the pain of a M in which we weren't facing the problems. I got into therapy, joined a 12 step group for "love addiction" and loooked at myself in ways I never wanted to before. I continue to do so. I admitted and faced and am still working with addicted tendencies - H has had none of these revalations although he also is addicted.
And the rage isn't just from OW, he had it ever since I"ve known him and it got worse when we were married, even worse since we had a child.
He never once said he left because of other men. He said it was the painful relationship we had. HOwever, there were never any solutions to that offered by him besides leaving. On the other hand, he never once said "I will not be in a M with someone who cheated, I'm getting a D and am not coming back." I stayed in the dreaded limbo hoping he'd come around, see my changes, etc.
Believe me, I hear what you are saying. We both hurt each other. This is what I struggle with daily. But of course I want to grow and change within the relationship. I was acting immaturely and I want to act more maturely now. I think it's clear he doesn't. Not to blame. But I never heard him once say that he wanted to change to make our M better.
