He was NOT done - until OW came along. That's what I"m seeing now. Actually, he continued to act as if not done until we had been separated over a year - during which he continued to say "maybe" we would reconsile and we were in MC, spending all holidays together etc.
He claims it was all the miserable years together, not my interest in possibly separating. He was NOT done - until OW came along.We had a plan for reconsiliation. As for me, once we separated and I tried it, it was real, and I didn't want it. Guess I should have never said those words. But I'm human. I was unhappy in the M and not facing it. I did want him back once I got a little space and looked myself straight in the eye for what I had done wrong in the M. Something I continue to do.
Nevertheless, someone committed to M would see it through the hard times. Even if time apart is needed first. Work out our needs and problems together, not in creating a new R with someone new.I would have worked it out with him - if he were willing to own up and stop pointing a finger and comparing me to OW. I see many folks on here whose spouse had EAs and PAs - and still want to work it out. Like me. IT's no excuse to put a little child through this. This is what I realized when we took our "temporary separation". What I did was wrong, as is what he is doing. Frankly having a fullblown relationship when times are tough is the most hurtful thing to me - if it were just sex, it might be easier. I betrayed him. But he betrayed me too. Yes, it's been painful. Yes, we hurt each other. But I am willing and have been looking hard at myself and making necessary changes. He looked to partying and finding someone else. Period.
H says "You didn't want me then and now you want me back. I don't trust you." OK, that's a starting point, IMO, not an end point.
Oh well I'm sick of who is right and who is wrong. I just wish H would work it out with me. I hate to give up the recent niceness we've been having...it feels more friendly which I wanted for the past year so desperatey, and which is good for S. But on this forum everyone says not to be friends. Doesn't this hurt the child too? I hate to lose the friend side, but I see how that is making the OW "ok" and sending a doormat message. Ugh this sucks!
