Another story of a WH and an LBS

[gatsby11]

Quickly--

WH came over, set up crib. But had an awful time. It was hot, he had to wait in line 30 min for the crib, traffic was awful, it was heavy. Then, it took him about an hour and a half to put it together. He was soooo irritable. I just looked at him with a blank face through the whole thing. i definitely said "thank you" at the end, but I never said "Sorry" so yay me!!

Then he apologized for being so unpleasant.

Not a good way to keep your LBS wanting to be with you, WH...

k, gotta sleep.

[Piano]

Yay you indeed! No need to say sorry to WH. Not your fault that
parenting is not all a walk in the park, is it?

How's work going? I'm really sorry you got hit with a hard lot this year. Cutting back hours sounds good. I think I will go back to work part time, like 3 days a week.

What else is news, G?

[gatsby11]

hey, sent an email telling wh i hated him. it was actually another one of those heart-wrenching emails. part of the process of letting go, i think.

he called. i didn't answer. he texted. i read it. "do you want me to come over?" ummmmmmm no. i'm not writing back. i'm also not checking my email until tomorrow before i go to work. he'll probably say 'lets talk about it in person'.

work is not great. in fact, it's bad. but i met with my principal today and he cut one of my classes. he's also planning on hiring someone to help me and our other sped teacher out. so it should get better. he also taught my class for an hour today to give me some extra time. it helped a lot. and i think he saw all that i have on my plate!

that's kinda what prompted the anger toward wh. being a single working mom. it's a lot easier being a maternity leave mom. but add in work and it gets harder! not that it's awful. i don't hate it. but today was one of those hard days.

so i gave him an earful! (i said things like even if i sit with you and laugh and give you food, just know that later i'll spend nights like this hating you.)

he deserves it all.

then i heard the latest kings of leon song, and things got better. i LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE kings of leon!

oh, here's the other thing that made me upset.

there's this guy at work. i've worked with him for two years. he's sweet. i don't crush on him. but he's sweet. well, he recently broke up with his girlfriend of 3 years. and he is now sort of dating a different girl at work.

and i'm just jealous.'

and i'm mad at wh that i'm in this position!

so that's that. trying to regain my confidence and happy outlook on life. i think i really depended on work to help me with that since wh left. and now that work's not there, i'm looking for wh and oh, he's not here!

oh YEAH! i forgot about the other thing. wh got a new job. now makes $30,000 more than when we were together. nice huh? more child support. but then i realized with child support being 16% standard (i think), that's only a little less than $3,000 for me a year. So he's got an extra $27,000 to play with! i am actually really pissed. my next step is to ask for 20% because of a sort of alimony type thing. i did put him through grad school, after all. in my state you have to be married for 10 years to get alimony and we're a little over 9 right now. so i'm going to ask for it because it's not fair.

nothing's fair! but a little monetary compensation will make it better.

[gatsby11]

my math must be wrong. 10% of 30,000 is 3,000. (I teach this to kids every other day, HELLO!)

so i guess 16% is about 5,000. still, though, that's 25,000 for him to play with.

[newmama]

there are online calculators to determine the child support...

but I am impressed that your principal is helping you so much! And it is awesome that he taught your class for a bit to see what you are dealing with. When I had the 52 students, they couldn't afford to hire another teacher but they gave me 2 more assistants. I still did all the planning and the legal IEP paperwork. I asked for one full planning day each month as well as 2 hours for 3 days per week to do paperwork.

I was able to prepare a month's worth of plans for teaching and then prepare all of my IEPs. It really sucked. If it happened now, I would stick to my 8 to 4 schedule, and if I couldn't get my work done, I would say " I can't get this done in time. please help." Sounds like you are doing that!

I was too afraid back then to say "no I won't stay past 4:00 or take home 3-8 hours of work each week." But now that I have a child, it seems a little easier! (to say NO.) I hope it is for you, too!

[Piano]

hey g,
ugh. i did read somewhere that women (single mums) usually get poorer after divorce and their husbands get richer..like 27% richer, or something like that. don't quote me on the figures. but yeah, it's really unfair.
your buttons really must have really been pushed if you sent him an upset email... there haven't been many of those from you, have there? sometimes it seems pointless to come across all 'stoic' and strong, like your coping and all, and the reality is looking after a baby is just darn exhausting a lot of the time! I am soooo impressed that you live on your own and have gone back to work! I mean, I live with my parents and have round the clock help (if I need it) and don't go to work...and I am really afraid of the strain when I do get my own place and am 100% responsible for everything. Anyway, I really get what you mean about the extra strain of being a working single mum. I am extremely angry at the selfishness of these WAHs when there are children involved..especially newborns who require so much round the clock attention.
Have you thought of asking WH to do more in terms of looking after bub. Like asking him to do his 50% worth? Or do you not want that?

[gatsby11]

sorry, no can respondo quickly. (I feel like a fake Spanish thing I guess.)

So tired so tired.

Sent WH another email, a lot softer. He spoke to me yesterday and said some crazy a$$ things. (Like, "You hate me? I don't hate you!" I was like, "Why would you ever hate me?!?")

I'll update soon I hope

My sister stayed with me the past two nights and now lives in my city. So it's been busy moving her in.

Gotta go!

[Piano]

Good to have your sis there? 'Suppose you're so knackered it's hard to tell what you feel at the moment. Any tips on heading back to work as a single mum would be most appreciated as you start this journey... I am guessing part-time would be the best option? That's what i am thinking of doing, finances allowing.
Would love to know more detail about your emails to WH and the conversation yesterday, if you wanna post a bit more here...
Looking forward to your update and hope you get some rest soon! Meanwhile, may the force be with you

[gatsby11]

hey!

first up, working single mom thing. It's actually not so bad. I don't know too much what I'm missing, and maybe not much. I like working and I think daycare is good for her,too. I guess I think the best thing is to have people with you from time to time (and you living with your parents makes that easy) just so you can get a break from all of it.

So WH. Last Wednesday, sent a big i hate you email.

In response, he bought me a massage and facial. (Little does he know I'm soon going to ask for laser hair removal!!)

Anyways.

Then in person he was mad and said:
* He doesn't hate me (as if he has reason to)
* He was pouring his heart out to me in Jan and I just sat there
* I hate him too much to ever take him back

So it makes me go what?!?

So Sat nite I sent him an email again saying that I didn't truly hate him and I would take him back. And I asked why he said the things above (and that the middle one was really unfair. I didn't just sit there. I listened and tried to find him a therapist!)

He wrote back to say thanks for honesty and he would need time to respond.

Then he came over tonight and didn't say anything!

So I go back and forth between 'i hate him,' 'i want him back' and 'whatever.' And usually (and right now) i'm at whatever.

It's so silly. We're like teenagers. But again, whatever!

In other news, I'm reading Mockingjay of the Hunger Games series. IF you want to get away from it all and indulge in great books, check it out!!!!


(Why am I always a commercial? :))

[newmama]

so why didn't you bring up the email when you saw him? just curious!

and I like your recommendations. But what is the Hunger Game series?