New to this Community seeking advice

[JR09]

What did she used to nag you about? What were her complaints? What did she always want to do in the M or see more of? Can you do any of these things long distance? Have you been working on active listening?

My W used to always say I never did anything with the kids, that as soon as I got home, I'd usually watch TV to unwind or fall asleep. I've actually been trying very hard to do a lot with the boys each time we'd link up. I think my W was surprised I had so much activities planned for the boys' summer with me(fishing, water rafting, hiking, camping, swimming...) I made 8X10 copies of us rafting on the Arkansas river and gave a copy to each son.

Last week, when I spent two days with the boys, my W asked what activities we had planned. I knew this was a big deal for her. So I've been working on that ever since, fully connect with the boys and be WITH them, do things WITH them.

Another big complaint was that I always did what I wanted instead of what my W planned. She used to say I never listened to her. Well, I also have really been paying attention to active listening skills since my W left. Whether over the phone or face to face with my W, I've learned to listen and validate what she said. The fact that I restate and validate is my way to show that I listen and understand what she just said. Doing so has defused a lot of potential tension from my W. I think she does resort at times to test if I am consistent with my "changes". I think I passed the tests each time I saw her.

Anyway, I understand there is still a lot to do, a lot to think about, and a lot of consistency to maintain if my W is to truly realize how much I have really changed. Like you said Michelle, I'm in for the long haul, and time is on my side.

If the boys can figure out that my changes are real, I'm sure my W also figured it out too. It's now a matter of showing her that the changes are consistent and permanent.

Thanks for the great coaching Michelle.

JR