Early Parole from the MLC Chain Gang?????

[MHL]

Okay, this morning after my W dropped off our son’s clothes I fixed her a cup of coffee and we talked for a couple of minutes and again the looks and smiles abounded between us, and then as she is leaving the hesitation on her part as if we needed to say something else besides goodbye. She left and I got my stuff together to leave for work.

On my way out I had not checked the mail from the day before and so I grabbed it out of the mailbox. There it was, a letter from the mortgage company that they were going to start foreclosure proceedings unless I did something. This was the situation I called my W about and yes I used it as a reason to initiate a R talk.

I informed her that I was not sure where things were going to go as far as the future of where the kids and I were going to be living. (Don’t worry, I have since called the mortgage company and I can get a modification) We started to talk about things and I brought up “us” and where we are at. She stated that she is going to file and not drag this out. She feels she owes that to me and the kids, (gee thanks).

She talked about how our D13 hates her, won’t talk to her and doesn’t love her anymore. I tried to tell her otherwise but quickly realized that this is just disagreeing with her and dropped it. I told my W that I wanted to talk about us. I told her that we haven’t talked about us and that I have tried to give her as much time and space as I could over the last several months. I told her that even after we ML in June, I never talked about us. She started to open up about some things she has been saying all along that I had questions about.

She feels there is too much “water under the bridge” meaning she has done too much for me to forgive. I did not offer any forgiveness, I did say do you want to be forgiven? And she responded that she can’t forgive herself for the things she has done, so she thinks that will not be able to let it go. I sense remorse but not wanting to deal with it.

She also said she did not want to live under a microscope if she came back, again I just said I understand that, I made sure not to argue nor make promises of what I would do or not do if she came back.

She also said that she remembers the good times, (actually said it twice) but she does not want to go back to the way it was with me getting mad at her all the time. I just validated what she said. What was different is that she took more ownership of how she used to blow up at me, how she used to bottle it up and let it blow. I think she blames how she handled things in the M on how I acted in the marriage, and therefore justifies it. This is a marked difference from previous R discussions. I guess it would really be different if she apologized for blowing up at me in the past.

There is so much more that I am having trouble remembering as I am typing this hours afterwards and honestly it has been an emotionally draining day. The conversation was not tense nor did I sense that she wanted to run from it, but after a while I realized that no amount of talking is going to change things.

I feel like there is so much more to discuss but I don’t know if I am up to it. I have wanted to know how she feels about things for such a long time and she opened up a little today. I am just tired and weary and feeling defeated, I have felt this way before and I thought that I was “done” with these feelings. I know I will overcome this and I will be stronger but right now I am just tired of all this.

Today, I feel like I am the one that took a big step backwards.

[TAMF]

maybe I am running back to touch it because it has defined me for so long.

God that is so true for so many of us...

[PEI]

I am just tired and weary

I hear ya. Man do I hear ya.

[ericmsant2]

Missher,

My friend I do not think you took a step back. No f*ck that! You my friend took a step forward. Why do I say this?

You showed no anger - none at all.

You showed compassion - plenty of it!

You showed understanding - more than I think I will ever have.

You showed your listening skills.

You showed YOUR LOVE - Yes you did. It came out. Your tenderness, your love Missher- you showed YOUR F*cking heart!

You my friend continue to inspire me. You continue to show me what dignity looks like for a man who has endured what you have endured.

So YOU did NOT take a step back! Did not. You feel this because you love her. You feel this because YOU stood for your values. No my friend - hold your head up high and remember...

YOU DECIDE WHEN THIS IS OVER!!!!! YOU not HER!

Now get the f*ck back to work...the work on being the man that your kids, YOU WIFE and more importantly YOU aspire to be.

I'm headed to the fridge to grab a beer and toast you.

Man up - heads up!

God Bless
Eric

[ericmsant2]

Oh and one other thing...now that I have my beer in my hand.

Defeated? Bul*chit! I think you meant to say you feel like your "living". Your living and growing buddy. Living and growing. Now pick you a*s up and join me for the beer.

I have a cold "shock top" ....gulp..gulp...ahhhhh

This is your show - you run the ship!

[MHL]

Thanks Eric,
Actually was supposed to lay off the "drinks" for a day or 2 but tonight called for some wine and steaks......so back at cha buddy.....Cheers

No gulping on the wine but I think I will pour another glass....

[punkin]

Hey Miss,

I think you did wonderful, and the fact that your W was willing to sit down and talk at all is a big plus. Sounds to me like she was testing the waters.

[MHL]

Thanks Punkin,
I am the one that pushed the talk and it was over the phone which is what she is most comfortable with. I need to be more positive but I feel like I have twisted some of the positives for so long that I am fooling myself.

Doesn't sound like me, I am all about the positives and about the good things in life. I really appreciate the words of encouragement. I know I will wake up tomorrow and have a different outlook.....I just got to hurry up and get to tomorrow. Gotta leave today in the dust.

[Mach1]

How was the temperature ?


Did you EXPECT anything less ?

[MHL]

Mach,
Actually the conversation was okay and if we were not constained by time it would have continued. It was very relaxed. I actually did not have any expectations other than to find out what she is "feeling". I did tell her that on my journey I have learned that it is all about how people "feel".

I also told her that attitude changed me not only with regards to her but with the kids, my family, my friends and my co-workers. I always consider how other people "feel" now.

She brought up things in the beginning when we first met, and how good it was. I told her that I cared about how she felt in the beginning. I reminded her of how she would get upset about things and I would have a knack for getting her out of her funk because I "cared" about how she felt. I told her that I lost that somewhere along the way but I discovered how important it is in life.

There was a lot of give and take, I just made sure not to contradict her at all. I would be open to talking to her again but I really do not have anything to say, I really just want to listen to her......I did tell her that today.

I think she feels that if we get divorced she will somehow wipe the slate clean, I am starting to believe that in her mind divorce is neccessary before we could ever get back together.

Just a thought.