Still trying to find my way

[Mystik]

As the due date comes closer, I find that I'm thinking more about it. I wonder how selfish Whore must be to deliberately trick another woman's husband into staying with her by getting pregnant. How can a woman that selfish actually love any baby who was merely a means to an end? How can a woman that selfish actually love anyone, really?

And it tears me apart inside that H took something that was special, just between him and I and gave it to someone else. Creating a child. When he married me he vowed to forsake all others, and he broke his vows. I so desperately wanted a second child with him. And he refused to have one, said he was done having kids, that DS was it. Well, so much for that.

I don't want to even know that it exists, I don't want to know when it's born, what its name is. Nothing. I'm perfectly content to ignore it, though I know that DS will inevitably talk about it now and then like he talks about Whore's other brat.

I will warn you all now that come November I may have another breakdown.