TAMF--you ask how you will know when it is finally time to talk to him. I'd have to echo the excellent advice you already received. When it's finally time, you'll know because he will actually be listening to what you say, and remembering it--it will feel as though he is genuinely present once again.
HOWEVER, for the longest time, even when he's ready to hear you, you will only need to talk about his situation. He may feel safe enough to tell you all sorts of stuff that's going on in his head--oblivious to how bad some of it may make you feel--but he will not be ready to hear anything about your pain, feelings, etc. He will need to be a lot more integrated before he is able to see beyond his own little world. So keep working on your detachment!
