STill good, and he has definitely lost MLC trappings. OW is "in the rearview mirror" (his words to his sister) He is trying to change the parts of him that he is not proud of (quick to raise his voice in anxious moments? is the best way to describe) He is concerned with my feelings. He takes responsibility for past and present issues.
I am very proud of the man. He is still TJ, warts and all, but I want him in my life. We see each other every 2-3 weeks but text or speak regularly. I tend to think this helps our reconciliation; he gets to be lonely and reflect and think. Privately. No words of love, but all the other signs of it. I am expecting it to take about 1 year. Another thing I think contributes to our (early) success: I am not afraid of being hurt. I am ready to take the risk. TJ was not a terribly mean MLC. I just left him alone. I let him steer the boat! He makes 90% of the contacts, and I respond to 98% of them. I have not felt the need to bring up all the pain and guilt for him, with the help of this forum I have learned that they DO feel guilt and pain and regret, I don't have to punish him. He punishes himself. We are done walking on eggshells. I am not sure if I see many changes in the man. I was expecting more. A blend of old and new. Mostly the guy who I was married to for so long. Each of us has to take our own journey. Whether we gain our spouse back, move on or become self sufficient is of our own choosing. It does get easier, but 4+ years in the pain was still there, but now it is gone. Pain was my old friend. I dare say I miss it? I always have been one crazy backwards b!tch. Wishing all of you the best, DO take care of yourself, Holly06-10.
Bomb 1/06 D dismissed 11/07, attempt reconciliation. Premature. Divorce final October 31, 2008. OW looks like bad history. Over. Still hopeful. Baby steps. In R with my X.
