Not sure where to start or end, WAW - #2

[john28]

Steve - for some reason when I read that, it felt like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. I don't know why, but I was able to relax reading that.

It is probably the first moment of relaxation I've had in months. I could literally feel my shoulders dropping and becoming less tense.

Thanks, man. I do want to find out who I am again and regain the strength I once had. I used to be a lady-killer, I had more confidence than any man I knew, I was confident - yet not cocky. I was the QB of our intramural football team. I played forward in soccer. I rode a motorcycle with a leather jacket and offered hot girls rides. I sang and played a guitar in a rock band with my own original music. I had 20 friends who called ME every Friday night asking "So what are we up to tonight"?

I knew what I wanted, and I went and got it. My W is a perfect example. She had just finished dating a friend of mine, and I went up to her one night and said:

"So when are you finally going to give me your phone number?"

She chased me. She went after me! She said ILY within 3 days of dating me. She fell deeply in love with me and quick. Why? Because I was a strong individual that everyone gravitated towards.

God, I was such a confident man! I had little to no fear of how things would turn out. I just knew they would be alright. This M has crippled me by both my W and my own doing. I'm a shell of that man I once was. Now instead of being that confident man, I'm just a little wimpy narcisistic man that only thought of himself. That's not who I am.

That is not the person my wife fell in love with.

I learned a lot in the 6 years since I've met her. I've learned to be humble when needed. I've learned modesty is not for the weak. I've learned many positive traits that shaped myself into a better man than the one she met. But, I let the admirably qualities I had before die. I let those things that were exciting and loving about me fade.

That is not the person my wife fell in love with.

She never fell in love with a man. She fell in love with a young-man that had everything going for him, but lacked the life experience to know how to use it. Over time, she fell in love with the man I became, but lost the fire for that young-man I was... that part of me that sent the *spark* into her heart. Without that young-man around, she went and found another. Another exciting young guy who could give her that *spark* again, possibly.

What she doesn't know is that the young-man she loves is still inside me.

That young-man... He's just screaming to come out and show himself admist all of this pain around him. Soon, he'll be strong enough to break through that pain and show the world himself again. He's a tough dude. He can take anything.

If that experienced better-man and the young-man could combine their powers, nothing could stop me.

That is the MAN that she fell in love with.

That is the MAN she wants to be married to.