Faith- Sandi is an "Enchanter' as I like to call them. Follow her advice word for word.
Use the Dark Time to figure out the math.
Does your pay go into the joint? If not, get a separate account that can access the joint. Get your pay deposited into the Faith Only acct. If there is money in the joint now, put half in your acct.
Can you carry the house single handed? If not, get a roommate; borrow some money til the house can be sold.
Consider her money GONE. If her pay goes into joint, leave it there.
Again, talk to your lawyer about how to protect yourself from her financially. Do it YESTERDAY!! You need to know the financial obligations and how they will LEGALLY be settled.
Trust me I'm not angry, this is a test. Your right about the dogs, I just wrote my feelings out here. She wrote this because she's pissed because in that email I sent Sat I told her no contact.
She is trying to bait me into responding and pull a control move, by holding finances over our head. It's really funny because I didn't realize how manipulative she really is.
I'm not going to respond, but here is what I WANT to say (I'm writing it down here)
"Okay, I understand you need to pay rent. Please look at this as not helping ME with the house, but you are actually protecting YOUR investment too. Whether I live here or you lived we are both in it financially. The equity will be split 50/50. It's also important to know that I would be helping you with your payments and rent just as much. I'm beginning to see how we might need to bring a Lawyer into this."
I'm not wanting to be involved financially with her at all, but it seems I have no choice and I'm willing to play fair. How would you disentangle if your suppose to remain dark right now?
Basically, I have no choice but to waste my money on a Lawyer, unless I just get out of this house as fast as possible.
I'm here to drop the rope. Just need clarity with this test.
Faith- Sandi is an "Enchanter' as I like to call them. Follow her advice word for word.
Use the Dark Time to figure out the math.
Does your pay go into the joint? If not, get a separate account that can access the joint. Get your pay deposited into the Faith Only acct. If there is money in the joint now, put half in your acct.
Can you carry the house single handed? If not, get a roommate; borrow some money til the house can be sold.
Consider her money GONE. If her pay goes into joint, leave it there.
Again, talk to your lawyer about how to protect yourself from her financially. Do it YESTERDAY!! You need to know the financial obligations and how they will LEGALLY be settled.
I am following Sandi word for word. Please don't think me posting is me caving.
No I can't afford the place by myself.
Both of our money is deposited in Joint, since we still have debt.
I have separate account, but have been using our money to pay down debt. She has a separate account that she has had her bonuses and things deposited.
Not to mention if I start prepping the house for sale I have so much crap to liquidate and pay for storage.
Don't know where to start! I need to save up money but I can't if I get Lawyer. I'd have to put it on my card, which is too high as is. Don't want to waste anymore money.
Another text right now, first thing 8:00am...Sandi is dead on.
What's next?
"Are you ignoring me?"
Guys I had no plan of ever leaving my Wife, but crap happens. I've never been this financially involved EVER! I have no clue what I'm doing! I admit it. I'm not rich, we lived "comfortably" on the low end together. I'm not materialistic, she is. This is hard for me. I know that sounds weak, but I am a survivor. I'd like to be in control now for a change.
If I get a Lawyer without intent to take her to cleaners(Just protection), how much could I be looking at spending?
Since it sounds as though you are looking for a 50/50 split, a decent family lawyer should be able to draw up a contract in less than 5 hours..depends on the rate.
BUT THIS IS A QUESTION FOR A LAWYER.
You should be able to call a family lawyer and ash the questions-
Need amicable separation agreemnt done, can you handle as mediator What is hourly rate How many hours is your average I do not wish to have joint meeting w/ wife. Doable?
First of all, who calls at that time of morning to discuss rent/house money? Secondly, I am so proud of you for ignoring her and not sending a TM or worse...calling her back. You've just begun.
You do not respond. You're dark. If she catches you somewhere and confronts you, you tell her you've been thinking what would be best. But here's the thing...you need to get all credit cards without your name on hers or her name on yours! You need to start a private bank account that she can't touch. This is protecting yourself. Don't think for a second she wouldn't wipe you out.
If she contributes to the joint accounts, then figure up what's hers and leave it. Do what you think is fair/right. As a former WAW, I think it would be a huge mistake to support her with anything. The more she can get from you or the more you pay what once was her part.....then the less likely she'll come back. Let her turn to lover-boy for her needs....and see how long the romance lasts then.
Stay off the TM & emails. I know you can withstand the temptation. Just ask yourself what or how would you handle it if she was deceased. Couldn't call her then, could ya?
Hi Sandi,
I was pretty tired this morning. I didn't realize you posted twice and I thought it was CD yelling at me about the dogs. The dogs were just a thought.
I'm not stupid, I know better than to not listen to your advice. You of all would know this best.
She makes more than me, but that is only because of the bonus she gets from her company for me carrying Health Insurance and quarterly bonuses IF they reach their goals. We, together, can afford our home, neither of would live very well if we had it on our own without some type of help. For some reason she thinks she's doing ME a favor by letting me live at our house.
She's living free and clear of responsibility right now. She wants to do whatever she wants and she doesn't see the big picture of what is involved. However, it doesn't really matter right now, because I'm the one that's seeing reality and getting crapped on.
In a nutshell, she's trying to manipulate. Just like you said she would.
We do not have any joint Credit Cards together. Only our account and the house really. I guess I could leave half of the money for Mortgage in there and just pay all utilities out of my other account. She has truck payment and her credit card; I have my CC. However, she's strange...she buys groceries and misc stuff out of our joint, which indicates to me when she has to pay for her insurance she will feel the pinch. But Lover Boy can take care of her then I guess.
Since it sounds as though you are looking for a 50/50 split, a decent family lawyer should be able to draw up a contract in less than 5 hours..depends on the rate.
BUT THIS IS A QUESTION FOR A LAWYER.
You should be able to call a family lawyer and ash the questions-
Need amicable separation agreemnt done, can you handle as mediator What is hourly rate How many hours is your average I do not wish to have joint meeting w/ wife. Doable?
Make some calls!!!
AGAIN, YESTERDAY!!!
CD, Thanks for the questions to ask, I'll get on the phone today.
Should I ask her how much for her rent and just plan around it?
This is an area that some men fine to be difficult, b/c (being men) they feel it's their place to help with W's finances. But change your thinking on this line. Remember that everything you do to "help" her live apart from you is enabling the S/A.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
