worry that one or both of their parents might stop loving them, too. It's complicated with children.
So give them unconditional love. And be resilient by coping well
Well, the WAW, for instance, may react to the pain and anger of their children by building a wall to protect herself from that pain, as well. Detachment and wall building is their emotional tool of choice. My unconditional love can't change that. As I said, complicated.
Platitudes don't cut it with children. There will be pain, and damage, and the most we can hope to do under most circumstances is to mitigate and try to help them understand.
Everyone is different and there is no "normal" time frame that someone is to get over something - no matter what it is.
All I know is this has been a devastating experience and I am in my 10th month and I STILL am trying to detach. In my own time - it will happen. I just don't think that in 2 years I will have forgotten my former husband and feel nothing - just too weird to think of right now.
Luv
Last edited by luvless; 09/08/1007:24 PM.
M44 H41 M20 T23 3 older teens Bomb Nov 09 "i'm not happy" EA Nov 09 w/coworker Another PA in Mar 10 I Filed Apr 10 D final Dec 10
"It's not what you know but what you don't know that will probably hurt you" is a platitude
You have some control over your perspective. You have control over whether or not to love your children unconditionally. These are things within your control for the most part.
Last edited by TimeHeals; 09/08/1007:26 PM.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
I can see what you mean about the barmaid smiling at you. Like you, I have an ex and probably soon to be ex. So a smiling barmaid would make me feel better to rather than what is glaring at me (ex-wives club).
I hate the term children are resilient, no they are the losers I hate watching my kids go through this. The children are resilient crap is what is put out by the divorce industry. Divorce hurts children just look at the stats of children of divorced parents google them its scary.
M40, W 37 M 11 1/2 y T 13 y D filed 5-18-10 S 5-29-10 OM1 discovered 6-5-10 Counter sued for d 6-16-10 OM2 discovered 8-10-10 OM3, OM4 4 kids 10, 7, & 3 D date 10-14-10 http://tiny.cc/mxzct
Dang, that's pretty harsh. Life has only just begun, and they are already "losers".
Here's something people who disagree with me on this thread can try before we continue this discussion:
1. List three difficult things that happened in your past. 2. List something you learned from each of these difficult things.
3. For the next 14 days make a list of 10 things that you noticed and are grateful for having in your life. I mean... you really feel gratitude for these things. 10 a day for 14 days.
Repeat #s 1 & 2.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
I can see what you mean about the barmaid smiling at you. Like you, I have an ex and probably soon to be ex. So a smiling barmaid would make me feel better to rather than what is glaring at me (ex-wives club).
LOL
I actually get on great with my first EX. We were just too young and swept up with the marriage and family thing. She has a family now and actually offered to put me up if i needed a place to stay. That's DETACHMENT. But i think I'll visit the barmaid instead.
