A divorce involving children is never final. You can never look back on it because it insinuates itself into your present and future. You can detach for yourself, but letting go of the pain of your children is much more difficult. Every time they cry, the pain is rekindled. I'm not saying that one shouldn't try to move past that, but it's not as easy as dealing with your own pain.
Surprisingly enough kids get over it fairly quickly so long as the parents act like adults and that is the problem.
As a divorced parent I realize we all genuinely care about the emotional well being of our children but sometimes we also use them as a crutch for our own weakness and sense of loss.
During my first divorce when i was young I kept bringing up our son but now realize it was me suffering the loss. He is happily raised by two parents who love and care for him and cooperate on every aspect of his life. his step-dad is great and treats him like his own which i admire greatly and take no offense.
Dont worry too much about the kids they are resilient and its the adults that harbor the grudges.
When I started the thread I guess i just wanted to discuss the emotional problems of setting them free as that was what I was struggling with.
Also i agree with citygirl that comparing our grief to genocide is kinda crass. i even have a friend right now that is fairly young and suffered a massive stroke and is dealing with recovery and a young family. His troubles are a lot bigger and more permanent than mine.
Not looking to underestimate the pain here and we are all going through it but lets get it into perspective. We will all come out of this one way or the other and if we don't there is no one to blame but ourselves.
Be strong and confident and live life like it could end tomorrow because it could.
Actually, they rarely let go of it and if they do not process it thoroughly when they are children, it stays with them into their adulthood and can undermine their own relationships.
