I know that there is no going back to the way things were. The hardest part of that is, I didn't think it was bad. Pretty good, in fact.
I can relate to this...but you know what...I soon was able to see where things weren't as good as I thought...that hindsight stuff again...and now that H has been home for 4 years I can tell you that in many ways what we have now is so much better then what we had then...even the parts I thought were good... I am person that doesn't like change...I don't like to move, I don't like to change jobs, I don't like to change my furniture around...but I am learning that change can indead be a good thing...and in my marriage it has been...
So don't look back at what you have lost...look forward to what you can gain (with or without H)...there is a whole new world awating you...you can make it how you want it!
