but he seems to have put me totally in his past. No looking back.
The emphasis here is on the word seems . I know it seemed my H had totally put me in his past, he wasn't paying his bills, my bills, child support, nothing to help me and the kids...when our home sold he said he needed the money to get his "business" going and would help me later....later never came...he spent all the money and then ran up a huge amount of debt...I seemed sure he didn't care about me and not much about the kids for nearly the full two years he was gone...
Just remember he is a little boy throwing a temper tantrum the only way he knows how...he can't take his toys away cause he already did that...he can't buy his new house and the OW is probably chewing on him and giving hime all these great "ideas" to get you to cower down to them...block her, ignore him, and let them woller in their own pity because the day will most likely come when he looks at her without those rose colored glasses and sees her for what she is and then regerets what he did to you because of her...
And even if that doesn't happen...you are going to be great...you will be happy, you will be a survivor and trust me, his life will never be what he thinks it is ...
Thanks guys. I hate having a pity party without beer. Sometimes it's just too hard to tie a knot and hang on. Financially, yeah, I can take money from the savings I saved from him. I'll have to to pay the taxes next month. I'm mailing a registered copy of the tax bill to him with the question, Are you going to pay half? I don't expect him to, but it's one more thing to lay in front of the judge. Wish the bill for the work on the air conditioner would come so I could send it at the same time.
I know each and everyone of us have felt this way, that somehow they've never really cared for us at all. How could they and treat us this way? I'm not having contact with either him or her. Just staying dark. I'm almost afraid of her. She's nuts.
Punkin, Block the ow's emails and forget about her. She's digging her own grave, let her. She's not worth the headspace.
I truly believe things are not good there, but it must run it's course without interference.
Accept that this is going to take a while. MLC isn't a fast process because if you got your H back now he wouldn't be done. You would be setting yourself up for this to happen again.
Punkin, find things to do that you enjoy to pass the time. Go as dark as possible as if you fell off the face of the earth.
You may be in your H's past right now, but you have no idea what the future holds.
You've planted the seeds, now give them time to come to fruition.
Wow SA!!!!!!! This was just what I needed to see right now (Thanks!!!!!!!!)
Punkin, you have gotten REALLY good advice from some very smart folks! I agree. Stand back and let OW look like the crazy one. Sounds like she will do the dirty work and 'bury' herself!
Yes I know I've received good advice. That's why I come here, to either be hit by 2 x 4's or thrust into a mirror; to talk to people in the same boat I'm in. And I do follow it. It's just sometimes the war in my head gets ugly.
I just wrote on IB's thread, that maybe we're hanging on to the last thread of our old R before letting go. I know that there is no going back to the way things were. The hardest part of that is, I didn't think it was bad. Pretty good, in fact.
I have to straighten my shoulders, and prepare for the worst. If the worst doesn't happen, at least I'm prepared. If it does, I'm prepared. I'm not doing anything for HIM. Just ME.
I say a prayer each morning before leaving for work. In it I ask that I be the best mother, grandmother, friend and employee I can possibly be that day. To be the best ME I can be. Somedays are better than others, of course.
The first of the Fall Crafts Fairs is this weekend. I've got something to look forward to. My two oldest grandsons will be spending the weekend with me, so I'll take them and fill them full of cotton candy and roasted peanuts.
Punkin, I'm a very competative person, so maybe it would help to look at it like this, for all the dealings/happenings with her in the future :Tell yourself this :
I'll be the one that wins hands down when it comes to keeping my integrity and grace intact.There is NOTHING more attractive in a woman than her ability to keep herself above anyone trying to make her react negativly.
A womans gracefulness in dealing with nasty situations or nasty people is one of the things men find MOST attractive - I read that somewhere - never forgot it.
So just keep remembering that. If she tries to get a negative reaction out of you , its ALREADY put her in the dis-graceful catagory, so you are already one up! Dont let her put you in the same catagory, youve already won - even when you dont react at all. She can try all she wants , but she can't take that away from you. Your Grace and elegance will win hands down.
I know that there is no going back to the way things were. The hardest part of that is, I didn't think it was bad. Pretty good, in fact.
I can relate to this...but you know what...I soon was able to see where things weren't as good as I thought...that hindsight stuff again...and now that H has been home for 4 years I can tell you that in many ways what we have now is so much better then what we had then...even the parts I thought were good... I am person that doesn't like change...I don't like to move, I don't like to change jobs, I don't like to change my furniture around...but I am learning that change can indead be a good thing...and in my marriage it has been...
So don't look back at what you have lost...look forward to what you can gain (with or without H)...there is a whole new world awating you...you can make it how you want it!
My daughter got a CD given to her with this song on it and I just thought how I felt all those times praying...I hope it makes you laugh like I did!
"Pray For You" by Jaron and The Long Road to Love
I havent been to church since I don’t remember when Things were goin’ great ‘til they fell apart again So I listened to the preacher as he told me what to do He said you can’t go hatin’ others who have done wrong to you Sometimes we get angry, but we must not condemn Let the good Lord do His job and you just pray for them
I pray your brakes go out runnin’ down a hill I pray a flowerpot falls from a window sill and knocks you in the head like I’d like to I pray your birthday comes and nobody calls I pray you’re flyin’ high when your engine stalls I pray all your dreams never come true Just know whereever you are honey, I pray for you
I’m really glad I found my way to church ‘Cause I’m already feelin’ better and I thank God for the words Yeah I’m goin’ take the high road And do what the preacher told me to do You keep messin’ up and I’ll keep prayin’ for you
I pray your tire blows out at 110 I pray you pass out drunk with your best friend and wake up with his and her tattoos
I pray your brakes go out runnin’ down a hill I pray a flowerpot falls from a window sill and knocks you in the head like I’d like to I pray your birthday comes and nobody calls I pray you’re flyin’ high when your engine stalls I pray all your dreams never come true Just know whereever you are, near or far, in your house or in your car, wherever you are honey, I pray for you. I pray for you
