Oh my goodness, AM!! Hello, you lovely, dear man, I have missed you so much.
I am so sorry to hear that things are still frustrating for you. Let me ask -- when is the last time you ML to your wife?
Having asked that, I see some real positives in your dialogue with your wife. She is opening up to you and telling you her needs. Now the trick for you is to get out of 'defense mode' (I understand why you are feeling defensive, really), and start really listening to what she is saying to you.
It sounds to me like she wants to feel that you have an intellectual interest in her beyond just the bedroom. I know you have that interest, but SHE doesn't know it. It could be that your wife needs to be 'intellecutally aroused' before she feels physcially aroused. Things that jazz her are of an intellectual nature, and her seeing you 'excited' and I mean, truly passionately excited about the things that excite her is what I am hearing she wants from you.
So, okay, you understand the need for passionate response from a partner. You GET that. You need passion from her, she needs passion from you, just in different forms. The two of you are really saying the same thing, you're just getting to the same point by different routes.
Do you understand that when she says these things to you, the hopelessness you feel is the exact same feeling she experiences when you tell her you need physical passion and desire from her? It just seems like such an ungodly stretch, right?
I hear you when you say that you already do a, b, c, and d for her, and why isn't that enough? But she can as easily turn around and say the same things to you, and there you are at a stalemate.
The financial thing just blows my mind. Let's just drop that one off the list for now, shall we?
I understand how you are feeling down, but you need to look at this with fresh eyes. The two of you are talking!! You are hearing each other, even though you may not like what you are hearing. How to turn the impossible into an opportunity? You're self-employeed, you do this all the time. C'mon man, THINK. Some of the best sex I've ever, ever had with my hubby has come on the heels of a really deep conversation about something *I* cared about, that he seemed really into, and I felt so turned on I could barely contain myself. I WANTED to physcially connect with him afterwards. I felt so honored, so 'intellectually tuned-in' with him that I felt really emotionally close to him, and the physcial act of completing that feeling overcame every LD characteristic I have.
If you don't understand what she does, ASK her. If you don't get what she's just told you, tell her you don't get it and to put it into 'english' for you. Ask her where you can learn more about it. YES, it is WORK. TRY, damn it, TRY. You want her to try, yes? Pick one or two things on her list and throw yourself full-force into giving her a run for her money, because that is what you want her to do for you.
If it doesn't work, you are still at the same point, but buddy, you have a concrete LIST of exactly what she wants from you, and you may have fun once you get rolling, who knows? Jeese, I kinda sound like an HDer here, don't I....
It's just like Hairdog and his wife's Buddhist leanings. What that man does not realize yet is that studying Buddhism is the VERY ticket he needs to get through to his wife. Once he begins to study and understand the philosophy, his wife is TOAST. She will not have one excuse left in her book, not one, and still be able to claim she is a Buddhist. (Are you hearing me Hairpup?)
Tell your wife at your next dinner conversation that you hear her, you are going to start working on two or three things on her list immediately, but you aren't going to tell her which. In return, you would like to go home and ML to give you extra, added incentive. You PROMISE with your hand over your heart that YOU will follow through.
