If he was trying to behave himself for the D, he did a terrible job of it the day I got served. I called the police on him and he's behaved himself ever since. I have no way of getting him out of the house, so this "better behaved H" is the best I can do!
Well that explains it. You called the police and now he's behaving. Good for you! I never have the courage to do that - afraid my H would be more angry. But it has the opposite effect! They only abuse in private. They hate to be exposed.
You can file for D or Legal Separation - that should get him out. Write down all the instances of verbal and emotional abuse that you can remember or find in journals. Bring it to a lawyer who specializes in domestic violence. Sounds like this guy listens to authorities drawing a line with him.
Ok, well, I'm having a pretty bad day today--guess that is allowed! It's Labor Day and everyone seems out with loved ones. I could have gone to the beach with H and S, but I had such a sad day yesterday that I just didn't feel up to it, but wanted S to have fun and couldn't think of anything else for us all to do--I am almost paranoid about spending time with STBXH. So H went happily with S on his own...
Yesterday I went to see my dad with my sister who drove up 4 hours to get up here as he is not doing well. (Last stage Alzheimers). He has had a fever and hasn't been taking any food and barely any liquids for a couple of days. He tried to smile a few times, but couldn't speak much. It was heartbreaking.
Intellectually you know what is happening, but it is still a shock. He really isn't that old at 73...
And then a friend of mine whose daughter was about to start school at my S's school (and we were SO excited about that!) decided to go live with her dad, who is 2 1/2 hours away. My friend's S went off to college a few weeks ago in another state, and now her D is with her dad and she is having such a hard time. I feel sick to my stomach for her.
I just don't know what my life will be like soon and it is killing me today. When my dad dies my stepmother (who I like a lot) will be moving up to North Carolina. I was rather excited about that, thinking it will be fun to visit and do some hiking and go white water rafting with S. But today I'm just feeling sad about these people leaving, in one form or another...
Ok, well, I'm having a pretty bad day today--guess that is allowed!
yes, we are entitled to 'bad days'. i've had many -- as long as they are consecutive days then it's okay.
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I could have gone to the beach with H and S, but I had such a sad day yesterday that I just didn't feel up to it, but wanted S to have fun and couldn't think of anything else for us all to do--I am almost paranoid about spending time with STBXH.
what happened? why the sudden paranoia about spending time with your h?
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He has had a fever and hasn't been taking any food and barely any liquids for a couple of days. He tried to smile a few times, but couldn't speak much. It was heartbreaking.
((lauraoh)) so sorry to hear about that. i know it is very difficult watching a parent go through something like that.
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I just don't know what my life will be like soon and it is killing me today.
you're going to be okay. you're such a strong person that i lean on you. whatever the outcome, you know you tried and you won't be taken down.
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But today I'm just feeling sad about these people leaving, in one form or another...
this is your chance to meet new friends. part of the GAL is to go out and meet new people. take the focus off you and start helping those who really need a helping hand. i think you'd be great for habitat for humanity. you're so handy and have a big heart.
Hey D4ML, I sure appreciate the virtual hugs! Thanks for listening--it was tough yesterday but by the end of the day I was feeling a lot better.
The paranoid feelings come from just the "advesarial nature" of divorce I guess. I have a friend who tells me H is writing everything down (which I doubt--he can't type and he can barely write--he's dyslexic). But every night he is up from around 3 a.m. to 5:30 or so and is surfing the web. At least that is what I think he is doing, and his history is full of sites he visited--nothing weird or out of the ordinary for him (looking at airplane and glider stuff normally) He makes all kinds of racket when he is on the computer and wakes me up every night and then I sit and worry what he's doing. I think I may say something to him about it.
It has kept me from GAL too--I am super afraid of the whole custody thing I'm going to have to go through. If I leave and have fun during the evenings and weekends I think he'll use it against me. I try to do things during the day, but most people are working so that is hard, too. I wish I'd taken a class--that kept me very busy this summer. The only GAL activities I feel comfortable with is fixing up the house, but this is coming to an end, too, since he won't pay for anything more. I did get the new refridge put in the other day though--one appliance down and 2 to go!
I used to volunteer for Habitat for Humanity!! That was really fun, and now that S is older I may just look into that one again! Thanks for that reminder!!
You will have so much fun with your new house D4ML! There is nothing like having your own place to do with what you want!
Yesterday I went to see my dad with my sister who drove up 4 hours to get up here as he is not doing well. (Last stage Alzheimers). He has had a fever and hasn't been taking any food and barely any liquids for a couple of days. He tried to smile a few times, but couldn't speak much. It was heartbreaking.
Hi LauraOh, just wanted to say I'm sorry to hear your dad's ill. My father's ill too, so my heart really goes out to you. Hugs to you for staying close to him. Thinking good thoughts for you for strength and courage. FMV.
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
Thanks for listening--it was tough yesterday but by the end of the day I was feeling a lot better.
i've dragged you on to my crazy rollercoaster and i'm probably responsible for any grey hairs that you have now that you didn't have before. this is the LEAST i could do for you.
i'm glad you felt better by the end of the day.
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The paranoid feelings come from just the "advesarial nature" of divorce I guess. I have a friend who tells me H is writing everything down
oh i know the feeling. you're trying to protect yourself from being blindsided. i went through the same thing. btw, your friend is right.
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He makes all kinds of racket when he is on the computer and wakes me up every night and then I sit and worry what he's doing. I think I may say something to him about it.
you cannot worry too much about him. you have to take care of yourself. i hear the same things coming out in your posts that sound like me. "i worry about him doing this or that .. or not taking care of himself .. " i didn't say anything about it but when i asked not to be blindsided, i felt that gave him ammo. i revealed my fear and i think he took advantage of that.
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It has kept me from GAL too--I am super afraid of the whole custody thing I'm going to have to go through. If I leave and have fun during the evenings and weekends I think he'll use it against me.
i totally get this. it's easier for me to GAL because i have no kids. if you cleared it with your S to GAL, would that protect you from any custody issues? if your S doesn't feel neglected, and as long as your GAL activities aren't self-destructive (ie. getting drunk every night) .. it can't be a problem, can it? is what he's doing on his own time, grounds for being a 'bad parent'?
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The only GAL activities I feel comfortable with is fixing up the house, but this is coming to an end, too, since he won't pay for anything more.
we need to start thinking outside the box. fixing up the house has been your go-to activity. it's good that it's coming to an end because now it will force you to think of something else to do.
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I used to volunteer for Habitat for Humanity!! That was really fun, and now that S is older I may just look into that one again! Thanks for that reminder!!
it's a great cause. doing something like that shouldn't hurt your custody agreement. maybe get your S involved. some school districts are looking into having a volunteer service component as a requirement before high school students can graduate.
habitat for humanity is a great cause. you get to help others out while doing something you enjoy and are really good at. leave your own signature on every house you build.
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You will have so much fun with your new house D4ML! There is nothing like having your own place to do with what you want!
I am an idiot. OMG, just had STBXH screaming at me--what in GOD'S name was I thinking opening up to him about my dad?? What in the heck???
He asks me about my dad, I tell him the latest (Crisis nursing has been called in, they think he has about 3 days) and he asks what he can do for me?
And I say can you just be nice to me? He's like, what? And I say you don't have to tell me that I broke the convection oven for one thing (the other day he's accusing me of breaking the convection oven because it doesn't spin very well any more and we've only had since Jan--like this is my fault somehow)
And that led to a 30 minute non-stop tirade about how unhappy HE is and how he has done this and that and it's all my fault.
Wow--I think I validated in there somewhere but what a mistake that was! One good thing, all that stuff just pretty much bounced off of me--so I must be making some sort of progress.
I guess my dad is going to help me GAL. There will be a lot of family coming in that I haven't seen in a long time.
I have always found it strange how they turn it around and make it about them. How much they do, how much they hurt. gee no wonder the have no capicity for kindness as they are so self absorbed they only see how things affect them.
I am praying for your Dad and you and your son. Hang in there.
hugs, kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
leave your own signature on every house you build.