Okay, guy, knock it off. You don't get to feel guilty about this one anymore, for a plethora of reasons, but the biggest being, there isn't a darn thing you can do about it now, and feeling guilty for it perpetually isn't going to help, either.
What IS going to help is that you stay compassionate. So this may be what your shrink and your W thinks has made her LD. Well, great. I personally think we are born they way we are born, and you either come out LD or HD, and we just use the events in our lives to justify how we are... but -- I digress.
So let's just say for a moment that YOU made your wife LD. That still does not change the fact that your W has a demon to face, regardless of who caused it. I'm sure she has 'forgiven' you for it long ago. What she has not addressed, and this is where compassion and patience comes in, is HOW she is going to deal with it. She can either keep the demon and lose her marrige, or she can face the demon and do her best to find middle ground with you. AND THAT IS F#$CKING HARD.
If she is just now waking up to the fact that there is a serious, serious problem in your relationship... which you have known for YEARS, then give her some time to catch up with you and soak that in. If you don't want to do that, or you can't do that, I don't think anyone here would blame you.
But guy, you have just recently gotten her to admit that there IS a problem. She's going to the shrink, right? Whether everything on the planet is YOUR fault (which I cannot fathom), she is NOW faced with either working to FIX it, or getting out. If she wants to continue to blame you, it isn't going to save her marriage. If she wants to save her marriage, she's got to get over it. You certainly can be compassionate, supportive, understanding, but that does NOT mean you take the whip for the rest of your life. This is where the boundaries thing comes into play again.
You are making progress, AM, and you are certainly NOT an A-hole, and even if you were, *I* still like you, and that should count for something. Are we clear now?
