After seeing everyone's comments I realize I should have made something clear.
My wife and I had sex when she was quite young (she was 16 and I was 19--you see the problem) and while I didn't force her, per se, I was very "encouraging" and somewhat insistent, being the stupid horny guy in love, over a period of 4 months until she seemed to be as interested as I was.
What I didn't realize at the time was that the difference in our ages WAS truly a significant difference in development and preparedness for launching into sexuality. We really were in love with each other and I thought that sex was a natural next step.
In spite of her apparent interest at that point, I recognize now that it was foolish to expect her to be at the same stage of development that I was at. She simply was too young. My wife recognized this a couple years after getting married and brought it to my attention that she had felt taken advantage of and was resentful now. I appologized profusely and sincerely and resolved to prove that she was safe with me and that I would be a great husband.
What the doc is saying is that her deciding to have sex before she was ready was a huge mistake that likely has been one of the biggest contributors to her frozen sex drive.
I don't quite understand how her being in love with me made the situation worse but the doc described it as a misunderstood condition that seems paradoxical. No wonder I've been so confused!
Anyway, there you have it folks...I'm the A-hole at fault here and there's nothing I can do about it, unless I figure out how to build a time machine. I'm sorry but I still think that there's a time to forgive and let it go.
What the hell to do now? I'm still so resentful of all the pain that she has caused me that I don't think I can go on much longer with her, even knowing that I contributed to her hatred of sex. At this point, I'm so much more aware that we are such different people, even putting aside all the sexual differences, that if we met each other right now we would never be more than just friends.
Damn, I think I need a horse trough to go puke in now....
