There are many ways to protect the finances of a couple in the thick of a marriage crises that don't involve a legal separation. There are alternate ways to establish child support and child custody other than legal separation. In fact, in most states a legal separation is the precursor to a divorce and implemented to create a framework for the final dissolution of the marriage.
Spouses that rally hard for a separation under the guise of needing it to feel safe and protected are usually up to something. Nobody needs to live apart and initiate the legal framework of a divorce (via separation) to "work on themselves".
No, she's said that too. "I don't want to be with you"
Well, then it's easy to understand that part, eh? And that part is important. It's the only thing that is important.
You can believe in the sanctity of marriage, value your family, and all of that, but if somebody doesn't want to be with you, then you have to accept that and be happy and know you will have a fantastic life anyway.
Not saying it won't turn around. Not saying it will. It does no good (none at all) to worry about it outside of taking precautions to protect yourself and your child.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
There are many ways to protect the finances of a couple in the thick of a marriage crises that don't involve a legal separation. There are alternate ways to establish child support and child custody other than legal separation. In fact, in most states a legal separation is the precursor to a divorce and implemented to create a framework for the final dissolution of the marriage.
Spouses that rally hard for a separation under the guise of needing it to feel safe and protected are usually up to something. Nobody needs to live apart and initiate the legal framework of a divorce (via separation) to "work on themselves".
I understand. But, she isn't really open to anything other than a legal S. Do you have some examples of other methods?
She wants a legal S so if this does not work out, everything is already decided if we do D, and she is protected until then. That's why.
----"Et tu, Brute?"---- me:28 W:24 S4 T:6 M:4 EA Exposed: 5/21/10 Bomb: 6/20/10 (Father's Day) NC w/ OM: 7/10/10 W moved out 8/21/10 http://bit.ly/aOrZne - My sitch
If her true desire was to "work on herself" then she would be VERY open to other methods of protecting her finances/child. There are many ways to do this without a legal separation. A contract signed between two people and made to be legally binding is far more sensible than a separation IF the ONLY goal is to be protected.
Of course she wants a legal separation so she has an easy way out... my point exactly. She is giving herself LOTS of options. How many options are you getting? None.
You know my sitch and we've given each other pretty good advice so far. I'm going to say this as a WAW.
You have to STOP. You have to focus on you and your son only. You know her mind is all over the place so you can't listen to what she is saying. I know from my own thoughts that even as I say some of the things to my H about staying and working things through, that when it all calms down and I'm alone I can't help but keep asking 'do I really want to stay?' It's not that I'm lying when I'm with him or that I'm telling him what he wants to hear, I genuinely mean the things I say to him. BUT...we life slows down and I have a chance to take a look back over what was said and done, I keep faltering. That said, you have to focus on you. You have to make sure that you are strong enough, prepared, and confident in yourself for yourself for whatever life throws at you. Stop giving away your power...she doesn't deserve it.
It's scary, overwhelming and opposite from everything you want, but it is what you need to do right now. The only thing she has shown you consistently is that she is all over the place. You have the choice to keep riding her roller coaster or just to get off. It's time to get off.
And I don't see why you are sacrificing your car. I know it may seem like the nice thing to do but why. Why inconvenience yourself so she can run away? You are going for you, she has her reasons but you don't need to save her if she decides to jump ship.
Just my opinion. Doodi
"I feel like Rocky in the fifteenth round, beaten beyond recognition, when I realize, the only person I've been fighting for is...myself."
There are many ways to do this without a legal separation. A contract signed between two people and made to be legally binding is far more sensible than a separation IF the ONLY goal is to be protected.
A "contract signed between two people and made to be legally binding" sounds like a legal separation agreement. I don't see the difference here.
----"Et tu, Brute?"---- me:28 W:24 S4 T:6 M:4 EA Exposed: 5/21/10 Bomb: 6/20/10 (Father's Day) NC w/ OM: 7/10/10 W moved out 8/21/10 http://bit.ly/aOrZne - My sitch
A "contract signed between two people and made to be legally binding" sounds like a legal separation agreement. I don't see the difference here.
Legally--in terms of grounds for a divorce--if you were wanting to date, then a legal seperation provides legal cover from being sued on the grounds of adultry?
That's the only distinction. Not that I would try to make the divorce painful emotionally by going down that path if it were me and it comes to that.
Seriously, get all you can in this agreement--agree to it, but keep as much as possible, see if you can get primary custody too Think about YOU while you agree with her about her wanting to leave.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
John - When you are ready to show some respect to the rest of us members by at least attempting to listen to some of our advice; I will be willing to help. Until then, I'm sorry to say I can't help you.
Think about YOU while you agree with her about her wanting to leave.