Hi, much of my history is very similar to others'. Behaviour change first started but slowly, with depression, in March 03, but major change in behaviour and OW during summer 05 and bomb in October 05 when he left me to live with OW.

Attempts to return in March, June August and December 06, but after February 07 very little contact until September 08 when I learned he had advanced cancer. I saw him at that point and would have gladly nursed him, but he wanted OW to do this. Which was painful. Needless to say she had little real interest in this, but managed to extract a lot of money out him. Others actually had to care for him. He had major surgery and has made a good recovery.

He filed for divorce January 09 having threatened it for the previous 2 years, but has called it off twice. However it is now back on the road.

My husband is one of the very very angry and hostile ones, and we have not been able to remain friends, as I understand friendship. In his eyes I am to blame for everything, but like you, know this is nothing to do with me. It is all about him.

He has also driven his children away by his behaviour towards them, although this is also my fault in his eyes, because I didn't take his leaving well. It is so ridiculous it isn't worth thinking about.

My husband has also told me that he lost his desire to do things, and was very unhappy. However that started seven years ago! But will not take anti-depressants or have any kind of help

it is very very tiring, and the more contact we have the more tiring it is.

In December 2009 he told me that he wanted to reconcile [I hadn't seen him in more than a year], and this lasted a few weeks. Initially he was really sorry for all he had done, and we actually talked openly for the first time in 4 years, but then I saw him drift back into full MLC mode again and he resumed the divorce.

Then he contacted me in May 2010, and suggested reconciliation again, which lasted three weeks this time. He called up, mean and spiteful, just before I was due to have major surgery. At that point I told him that this was unacceptable, and that I wanted no further contact until he decided what he wanted. Just after I had surgery his mother died. I was very fond of her, and she was very supportive to wards me, and she died with them unreconciled, which was very sad. So it has been an extremely eventful few years.

Anyway the divorce is back on the road, as I said, and I think it needs to happen to give me closure. He thinks it will give us a clean slate. Or at least that is what he has said. Crazy isn't it?


I have no idea where the OW is in all of this. He has told me that they have broken up on several occasions, but I do not believe him any more. Some said in MLC to believe only 10% of what they say. But there are nuggets of truth in all of that. He has told me that she is awful, but also that he was attracted to her neediness. But I don't think he can live without her.

He has also told me that he cannot live without me in his life . . but I am not sure whether that is true.

This man has changed beyond all recognition. His heath has gone, his family, and his prosperity. He is still venomous and angry, alternating with profound self pity and depression, with no self knowledge! It is a mess, but until and unless he decides to do what is needed to sort his life out, there is nothing that any of those who love him can do. It is his crisis, and his chance to recover. I have held the door open, and loved him, with firm boundaries, for a long time now. And like you I am tired, and getting on with my own life which is renovating a old house in the country, on a low budget!

Like so many MLCers he has done the most appalling things, which I would never have believed possible, but somehow we deal with all of this and keep breathing. I really value what I have now, instead of dwelling on what I do not have. It makes me sad though to see people take their partners for granted. A happy marriage is a great gift, and I am fortunate to have had this.