CG, I am in a "No Fault" state and don't actually mind splitting what we have accumulated to this point 50/50. My feeling is that we earned whatever we have now together and she is entitled to 1/2 of it. I am more concerned about how to live moving forward.
Regarding mediation, we went to court first on 8/3/10 and agreed to a temporary order that laid out the split of the kids and the support I would pay. We were then ordered to go to mediation for placement of the kids and I got the earliest date possible, 8/23/10. In that meeting, W indicated she wanted primary placement, because she thought, and still thinks, that it would be best for the kids. Still, she agreed to placement of:
Mom: Sun night, Mon, Tue Dad: Wed, Thu, Alternate: Fri, Sat Sun days
I indicated agreement to this schedule on 9/2/10. I'm not sure how long it will take the mediator to file her report, but she indicated in the 8/23 meeting that if we could agree to an arrangement, we should start it right away.
I feel that I am trying to be "fair" with her and have been more than fair by agreeing to let her have the kids on my alternate Sunday nights.
I will talk with my L today to get an idea about how long the process of filing the mediation agreement should take. Maybe I will call the mediator also and ask her when to expect her to file the report.
OMT,
I'm sure she WILL always be short of cash/love/time/etc., but this is her choice. As I mentioned above, we didn't start with mediation, we started with lawyers and court. My issue is that we need to get agreements in place as much as possible before we get to court. Last time I had 5 minutes to make a decision and I don't plan to be in that position again. Why wait until the court date to have the L's hash out my life in 30 minutes? We should be doing this all along and that is what I am going to stress to my L today. I want to write proposals for all of the contested items and present them to W's L well in advance of our next court date. Hopefully most of this can be settled before we have to see any Judge.
LSG,
You are right, this IS a FIGHT for my future and I need to remember that and not forget it. Sometimes I get so caught up in wishing this wasn't happening and hoping that it will end that I forget this is real. I just want things to be OK between me and W and it is easy to lose track of the fact that this really is happening and is not going away any time soon, no matter what I want.
I see my L at noon today to make estimates of what child support and alimony will look like under the scenario's that W has agreed to. I also have a list of questions to ask and statements to make regarding how I want the rest of this situation to be handled. My head will be clear for this meeting and I am determined to get this done the way I want it to be done.
Thanks to all of you for your continued support. Your thoughts and questions always help me see things more clearly. I don't know what I would do without you guys!!
