Was cleaning out some chat history on my PC, and couldnt help but look through H's and my chat history over the past 2 years. Everything seemed absolutly fine up until about 2 months pre bomb, when his 'cutesy' language started tapering off. (I mean we were married 9 years and we still spoke in our lovey-dovey cutesy language that would probably make most people cringe.) In fact if anyone ever knew he spoke cutesy language they would fall off their rocker, hes always portrayed a very manly macho image. And he is so very macho and yummy. Sigh...but i always managed to be the only one inside his macho wall. And saw the soft loving inside...no one else saw it - not even his parents.
Anyway, I picked up a few depressed sounding statements from him too, I didnt really take much notice at the time, becuase everyone has bad days, his seemed to be whenever he was overseas missing me, sounding low, and not sleeping etc. Stressed from work etc...the death of a close friends father also seemed a low point.
and then within two months he was saying he suddenly loved the jetsetting lifestyleand the adrenalin of being 'in the lions den' and felt like he was changing etc.
I just dont understand....I miss our lovely dovey cutesy talk so much...
Such a fool I feel... maybe i missed it all along, and he was good at pretending?
