Oddly enough your sitch has some similarities to mine. That's why it cought my eye. Could not help but to comment on my now dead marriage (Im divorced).
So many similarities...
My XW also had an EA with a guy in FL (Orlando).
May have been a PA also but no proof. With her trips its possible though, just as with your W.
They also were High School sweethearts. Isn't tru-luv grand?
Like your W my XW was not in her right mind. Totally lost is more like it.
My XW also called him "baby" and other terms of endearment that she never called me except during the honeymoon phase of our marriage.
I wish you the best of luck. At least your W is a SAHM. This gives you an edge. Mine had a career and used it to fly away from me and our family as fast as she legally could.
I do feel your pain. Reading about your sitch brought back some painful memories. Good luck.
Me:48 W:55 M:22 T:23 Bomb:19Nov09 S:15Jan10 D:11Feb10 EA:Confirmed on 20Apr10 Fast track to her divorcing me
i should probably head over to the infidelity forum as much as it might turn my stomach...
The difference over on that forum is you would get step-by-step of "how-to"deal with the infidelity in your stitch.
As for my asking if you have solid proof, that is b/c without it then it's just your word against her's. You made need to put those phone records in a safe place. You made need to make notation of very late nights or over-the-top excuses that you find a bit fishy.
Not something one enjoys, but you need to protect yourself. Protect your bank accounts, credit cards, etc. Remember, she's not in her right mind.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
appreciate it g and sandi. major butterflies now. apparently she has been in contact with her lawyer. was going to file today. we talked late last night and somewhat this am. got her to concede that separation first then talk D. she went outside to call her attorney. i am sure she is also seeking counsel of her friends. i do not trust them. i thought about revealing to them as well but she has filled their heads. how can this be happening?
she is filing for divorce, virtually admits to that she "loves him" bc i got her to admit that yes she did write "i lov u."
Oops. I forgot the word NOT. No D. That's something to smile at I suppose. I sent email this am after agreeing with OM yest to no more contact betw OM, OMW, WAS n I. He was livid. Ultimately got more intel on two hotel trysts with graphic detail. I m at loss for words. Plus she tried calling test couple times.
Like lovesick puppy. Who the f is this person? How could I marry someone like this? We r separating. NO contact. More later. I m outside relaxing. I forwarded her email to read while she is on phone with sister.
one problem is dealing w/ a crazed spouse who has been exposed as a cheater, PEAs running rampant in her brain and irate as all get out with access to a joint checking acct writing checks as retainers for blood suckers, i mean lawyers. i am so tempted to change my direct deposit from the joint acct to one in just my own name. i do the bills now. i would periodically replenish funds for living expenses too.
I'm trying to tell ya!
Quote:
I sent email this am after agreeing with OM yest to no more contact betw OM, OMW, WAS n I. He was livid. Ultimately got more intel on two hotel trysts with graphic detail. I m at loss for words.
Quote:
Like lovesick puppy. Who the f is this person? How could I marry someone like this? We r separating. NO contact. More later. I m outside relaxing. I forwarded her email to read while she is on phone with sister
What in the cr@p are you talking about? You talked to OM and you agreed to no more contacts between the four of you? Please tell me you are not that dense!
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
i can put a little more detail here bc that entry was done on an iphone. impossible to type. when i outed the A, i did so by calling the OMW as well as exchanging >10 emails w/ her. she gave me a whole bunch of details. talk about 2 f'd up individuals bc apparently in his phone records are numerous repeat numbers from tons of women (he's had her locked out of the acct until this past Monday). while he was wooing my W he was also involved w/ another woman, calling each 6-7x/day. he has done this many times. they have 4 kids yet she stays. ??
she thanked me bc I "was the first husband to ever come forward." one time before they were married, he slept w/ another woman. in response? she slept w/ someone else. this loser was raging w/ jealousy afterward back then.
yest, the OM left me a voicemail asking me to stay away from his wife (no more emails, etc) bc i am sure he's afraid OMW would try to sleep w/ me? huh? she has a track record. and for all i know he's done this before w/ her retaliating. ha.
so i texted him bc i refuse to speak over phone w/ him. i said stay away from my wife, no contact. he said same. i stay away from his wife. didn't believe him. i would have been a fool to.
well after i arrived home late from work, had the sit down with W where we laid out options: divorce vs separation vs full reconciliation/no contact/transparency. i even showed her the retrouvaille website and she actually listened. she is nowhere near ready bc she still hasn't admitted anything.
she had more or less had stated that she was going to file in AM unless we talked. after we talked though, she agreed to hold off on filing. we talked, it was calm. i try not to reason with her nor try to understand her logic bc it is f-ing torturous and downright schizo. those PEA's again. love can be a terrible thing. we ended our discussion last night by agreeing to talk more in am to come up with final decision.
then went to bed. i started thinking about what the W had said. there was something to the effect that she did what she did w/ OM in order to drive me away, more or less bc ILYBNILWY. huh? like i said above, schizo. i know she was in love w/ him. duh. i knew she would contact him. duh. so i sent an email earlier this am to OMW to try and get phone records for obvious reasons just in case.
he apparently found out (i don't know if she told him bc i sent it to her acct) and went apeshot. sent text saying i abrogated our "deal." yeah right. like i ever expected she or he to do that. i wanted the phone records. i tell him, that's it. leave me alone. i mean it. whether she contacts him or not, and i would expect that she would bc i am not that dumb (sometimes), i have had enough of the soap opera or bad tv movie starring Dean Cain and Shannon Dougherty on Lifetime or We. by no means did i expect anything else. these are 3 individuals w/ problems.
so we r done or so i think. the OM texts me again. he must be attracted to me or something. he tells me the OMW has emailed a response. she is livid. she provides me w/ detail. they met twice, had sex, she paid for room w/ my f-ing $, has said ILY whereas he never did (right), she called him yest at his new job back home in FL which he just started yest after working the past 6 months in NY state (how he hooked up with her and others) and he told her that's it. it's over. i don't actually believe that but maybe sort of bc that is what he does. use em and lose em. his track record says he does not care. thank God we are NOT going to FL. could not predict what would happen.
talking to her last night, when i mentioned him especially how he was leading other women on she took a real heavy interest. typical. she could not believe her romeo was this loser that he really is. i strung her along w/ multiple names of all these chicks the OMW told me about in the past year. loving it. let the reality hit her.
she is trying to have it both ways. keep that romeo and keep me around. i say f the W, f the OM! had it. really have. i am now on dangerous ground bc i can feel contempt creeping up on me. dangerous. especially if u read Penny Tupy's Overcoming Infidelity. need Protection now. i know it. have to hurry up and find place asap.
i forgot to change my icon. what kind of woman is this b that calls herself my W? and "I" AM the one w/ problems? "this is why we don't get along." "this is why I despise you."
even more from OMW. met 4 times. the number is climbing. sex talk. explicit. under my nose. my kids around. numb. sick to my stomach. and the topper, i have to work as i type this taking care of the needs of others.
i was just thinking about what u wrote SM. u r right. she even references that to this day. in her mind she is using that as justification for all that has happened. she even accuses me of other affairs which i never had. that one moment of weakness, the seed was planted? i should have come clean then. i did come clean later. too much later to do any good. and if u can imagine, the W was my first and only true love at the ripe old age of 24. i have spent 18 years w/ her.
i need to be a man. be myself. or else i will appear weak. that is NOT attractive.
