How should I proceed now? Is there hope?

[Oxymoron]

NCU-
I am also having difficulty with the 'being more attractive' 180. I am an 'earth mother' type at this point in my life. I don't like wearing makeup or being done up...I like spending time in the garden and dress rather frumpily as it is more practical. I refuse to become someone I don't want to be, but I do find that I feel better if I look a bit less frumpy, which helps me to feel more confidant. I have been wearing more sun dresses instead of oversized t-shirts. I wear mascara now-even to garden. I used to wear plain ear studs, but now I change them out for fancier jewelry. I have perfume allergies, but have found some natural oil perfumes that don't bother me. People around me have commented that I look very nice, and it has helped my self-esteem greatly! I started doing it to try to attract H's attention, but now I am seeing that it helps me feel better about myself, and the compliments from other people are a real brightener! I don't want to be someone that I am not anymore, for him or anyone else-but being a better me has boosted my self-esteem and the fact that other people are noticing has made me realize how little I had been caring for and nurturing myself. These are the first steps to a better world for us-whatever the outcome!