One of the things that W isn't understanding here is that this should all be worked out before we even get to court. Why should we let someone else decide for us?
My W and I are using a mediator too, but it is amazing how much misinformation she has been fed. I'll bet your W has had a good chunk of "support" from others also. So ya, we go to mediate, but because she thinks that she's going to get a bad deal from me, it is really hard to make those life-altering decisions that may not be permanent, but feel very permanent. I'd guess that when she saw your pool she may have also had a supportive friend or her own fears tell her that she'll be always short of cash/love/time/etc but that a court would be better for her.
I think that if my W had suggested mediation to me, she'd be more receptive. Since it was my idea, there may be that lingering thought that I wanted to mediate to save my own hide, not to make the best for us both (my goal).
Understanding the many reasons she is hesitant or flip flopping might help you go into your meetings with her and with your L in a more productive light. There's a Muslim phrase that says, "make 73 justifications for your brother". Justifications don't ignore facts, they just make it easier to work with them.
