Still trying to find my way

[newmama]

I know the marriage was flawed, I know there are things I could have and should have done differently, just as there are things H could have and should have done differently. But I desperately miss the companionship, I miss the love we had. We weren't just husband and wife, we were best friends. But oddly enough even though we were best friends I still wasn't comfortable sharing everything with him. I still was uncomfortable talking to him about our problems. Maybe because when I did try to talk he would get mad and blame it all on me then storm off and pout, giving me the silent treatment until he got over his snit?

I bolded these statements because
1) good for you for also acknowledging your H could have done things differently. You had faults, SO DID HE!

2)I have noticed most all of us on DB forum are conflict avoidant. Of course, this could be most of the population of the USA but it is highly evident here on DB forum!(our spouses, too!)

Yes it would be a LOT of work, But something you haven't done yet is to move on. To say "screw it- I need to take care of myself and I KNOW his relationship with her won't end in happily ever after! So I can bide my time blocking that out, not even worrying too much about him, and just kind of live in another dimension/path while he works this out"

divorce takes a long time So just because it gets filed doesn't mean it will be completed.