You know Puppy, one thing I just realized reading your response. Not once has she said what she is willing to do to work on our marriage. The whole thing has been her deciding between me and the family and her lover. I have not heard her once say that she had a hand in what when wrong between us. I think I am tired of taking the blame for all of this myself!
I have made an appointment to get started in counseling. If for no other reason then for myself.
Soleil: I do know the OP. I am not entirely sure if she is still married. I know part of how this started is that she was having problems with her husband and that is how W started spending so much time with her. I think her husband is in the mil, and I am not sure how to contact him.
Are you surprised that your W is having an A with a woman? Have you ever thought she was gay?
I did not think she was gay. That aspect still has me in a state of shock. I know that it makes me feel so completely inadequate as a lover. I know in my head that I should not feel that way, but it is hard not to think that I am so bad in bed that I sent her completely off of men.
Went and bought DR tonight. Just started reading it.
This sounds paranoid, but should I let my wife see that I am reading this book?
Most people here would say no, that this book is only for you.
Sometimes the other spouse will pick it up and think you're trying a "tactic" to get them back.
I'd just go to your room and read alone. I wouldn't read it in front of her, but if she comes in and you're reading it and she asks what it is... just tell her its a book that is helping you understand what is going on better.
----"Et tu, Brute?"---- me:28 W:24 S4 T:6 M:4 EA Exposed: 5/21/10 Bomb: 6/20/10 (Father's Day) NC w/ OM: 7/10/10 W moved out 8/21/10 http://bit.ly/aOrZne - My sitch
You know Puppy, one thing I just realized reading your response. Not once has she said what she is willing to do to work on our marriage. The whole thing has been her deciding between me and the family and her lover. I have not heard her once say that she had a hand in what when wrong between us. I think I am tired of taking the blame for all of this myself!
I have made an appointment to get started in counseling. If for no other reason then for myself.
It sounds like you are on the right track....glad to see you realize you are not the only one to blame and she needs to take responsibility for her actions.
Originally Posted By: jammed
I did not think she was gay. That aspect still has me in a state of shock. I know that it makes me feel so completely inadequate as a lover. I know in my head that I should not feel that way, but it is hard not to think that I am so bad in bed that I sent her completely off of men.
DO NOT feel inadequate as a lover...no no no. This is not about you...this is about her. She is trying something new, exciting, "forbidden". There's a type of rush in it for her. I know it's hard to not internalize and it's hard to understand but don't you dare take the blame for it.
Me: 39 H: 39 S: 15 M: 18 years Bomb: 6/3/09 H moved out: 10/15/09 H moved back:5/30/10
Thanks for the feedback. On both the book and the self esteem Been hard not to fall into that trap and I have several times since I discovered the affair. Man this sucks! I go from thinking that I am in an okay mindset to crying like a baby in the span of 5 minutes sometimes.
Are you surprised that your W is having an A with a woman? Have you ever thought she was gay?
I did not think she was gay. That aspect still has me in a state of shock. I know that it makes me feel so completely inadequate as a lover. I know in my head that I should not feel that way, but it is hard not to think that I am so bad in bed that I sent her completely off of men.
listen jammed - don't think like a man here - she is involved EMOTIONALLY with this woman - this is NOT about sex.
Luv
M44 H41 M20 T23 3 older teens Bomb Nov 09 "i'm not happy" EA Nov 09 w/coworker Another PA in Mar 10 I Filed Apr 10 D final Dec 10
Thanks for the feedback. On both the book and the self esteem Been hard not to fall into that trap and I have several times since I discovered the affair. Man this sucks! I go from thinking that I am in an okay mindset to crying like a baby in the span of 5 minutes sometimes.
uhhhgggg!
I know it sucks but keep your chin up...and keep reading. In the beginning I found so much solace in reading the book. It brought me a sense of peace, helped to control my anger, hurt and rage. Unfortunately you are in for the roller coaster ride of your life. Anytime you feel like your gonna fall out, come here. We've been there.
You will be in my prayers tonight Jammed.
Last edited by Faith2010; 09/09/1001:49 AM.
Me: 39 H: 39 S: 15 M: 18 years Bomb: 6/3/09 H moved out: 10/15/09 H moved back:5/30/10
Been hard not to fall into that trap and I have several times since I discovered the affair. Man this sucks! I go from thinking that I am in an okay mindset to crying like a baby in the span of 5 minutes sometimes.
