You are doing fine! It will just take some adjusting to learn to deal with the things that we used to be able to call our H's for!
It will help when the girls get back into a routine!
I am laughing now was my 2 were arguing on the way home (I was driving on the interstate with air show traffic and nervous) and I asked them if they fought like that when they were with their Dad and I hoped that they did cause it wouldn't be fair for them to only do it around me..my D12 said, well, THAT hasn't changed since Dad left!!! lol!
Hang in there!
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
How can a father just not want to spend time with his children ?
My husband see's the Girls for about 2 hours once a week, during the week, he has not done anything with them on a weekend going on 2 months. He does not call them during the week either to check in, no contact all week except for the 2 hours in the middle of the week.
I just don't understand it.
Me:43 H:43 T:20 YRS M:15 YRS Bomb: 6/9/08 Bomb#2 7/6/10 Served with papers at work 7/13/10 DD:14, DD:11
I think I am hitting the anger stage. I don't think I like it. I do not like feeling this way.
But I am so angry at him for leaving the way he did. I am so angry he doesn't spend more time with our Daughters. I am so angry he left and the outside of our house is a mess, He put in a new tub and shower the week before he left, the tub is still laying in the back yard, it is too heavy I can not not even push it. He took down the lamp post, so we are missing that, although he left that to in the back yard too, it is a heavy cement thing, that I also can not move. We still have mulch in the drive way that never got finished, that is my goal today to finish spreading that around. The back porch has a huge crack in it, and if you walk on the one side it lifts up, he left that for me too, nice. We live in a nice development, the neighbors take care of their houses and yards, the must be getting sick of looking at mine.
I am angry that he does not seem to have a care in the world right now. I am angry.
Me:43 H:43 T:20 YRS M:15 YRS Bomb: 6/9/08 Bomb#2 7/6/10 Served with papers at work 7/13/10 DD:14, DD:11
Shelby, Check into meetup groups in your area. I just joined one called "Handy Chicks" and they are having a power tool demonstration/workshop this weekend. As long as you have a good mechanic and a good handyman you are set. It doesn't hurt if the mechanic is cute, too!
Me 55 H 49 Married 21 years No kids bomb 5/09 filed 7/09 divorced and moving forward 5/10
My emotions are all over the place lately. One day I am feeling strong and confident, the next I am feeling angry, then sad and lonely. He took the Girls out for dinner last night, so he was here to pick them up,I feel like I miss him, I know I could never trust him again, I know I will be better off with out him, but I still miss him, I miss him being here. He doesn't tell me much but when the Girls got home, they tell me some stuff, like he is trying to lose weight so he has stopped drinking soda. we have a Keurig coffe maker at home, after dinner last night he took the Girls to the store and bought the coffee cups that work in the machine, so that makes me wonder where he is living and who with and and he complains about me spending money at the grocery store yet he went out and spent at least $100. on this coffee maker.
Sorry, I have been having a rough couple of weeks. looking forward to the day when I am fully detached from him.
Me:43 H:43 T:20 YRS M:15 YRS Bomb: 6/9/08 Bomb#2 7/6/10 Served with papers at work 7/13/10 DD:14, DD:11
Hang in there. I call this the transition phase and I am going through it as well. I miss her and everything we had together (at least in the beginning when there was true commitment on her part) but I know that the way forward without her is much better than the way forward with her which would be filled with wasted energy making sure she was being faithful and in love with me. It's a period of partial detachment but not full detachment.
What is working for me is when I start getting those feelings of regret and loss of our relationship I instead start focusing on the positives of not walking on eggshells anymore, the pros of doing what I want to do and when I want to do. Thinking about what I am doing to improve my life going forward, the plans I am making and how I am going to get there. Afterall I'm the only one I can control. It helps me to redirect the wasted worrying about what coulda, shoulda been to what I can and will make happen.
Shelby, I still wonder about stuff like that 18 months after I moved out. In August, she tells the girls she can't take them here or get things for them because of money then she spends a week in South Dakota with her new biker buddies.
I'm doing better just focusing on myself, my own finances. Is there any way you can work out kid exchanges so you don't have to see him? That's helped me.
I've gotten 2-by-4s for this, but I've told my daughters I don't want to know anything about her life as a single person. It's a struggle. They started telling me about her trip and I clumsily cut them off. Perhaps there's a gentler way you can tell them that you two have separate lives now and some things should just remain between them.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
Shelby, your emotions should be all over the place! This is all very recent for you. It's really hard but don't just try to shut your feelings down, feel your pain but let it go. Feel it but don't let it control you. Sometimes we want to move away from the pain too quickly because it ain't pleasant! When we do we pay down the road emotionally. There's a purpose for the pain, it's part of healing. But it will pass and you'll feel stronger
