Be open to letting your H join you on it, but realize you can’t force him.
Hi NFTP - thanks for writing. I am definitely investing in myself and twins. In fact my H commented to a number of friends (the few times that he has actually spoken to them about the situation - he believes that he doesn't have to "check in" with friends on the status of things and "answer to" anyone. I have told him that our dear friends CARE about us - that's the only reason they are interested...anyhow...) So, sorry, back to my comment - my H commented to a number of friends that he couldn't understand why I was so busy this summer - i always had plans with the twins. Sure - it's the summer, we have 4 year old twins - what do you want me to do - wallow in my own sorrow at home wtih them. It's my job and responsibility to take care of my family - and having a great fun summer for the twins was part of that. The other part was getting myself to a good place - at peace. And, i did both. Unfortunately, as even his dearest friends have commented to me, he doesn't see himself as responsible for any of this...he's just not THERE yet. So, yes, while I agree with your comment to keep doing what I'm doing and take care of myself and my responsibilities, it's just so deeply sad and hurtful that I see him depressed, not himself, losing everything that ever made him who he was - and, as you said - i CAN'T do anything about it. I can't force him to "snap out of it", to stay for our family, to not take away from our twins the life they deserve. I'm hanging onto the dream still for myself - and him - but in so many ways really moreso for the twins. They deserve it.
together 17 years married 11 years 4 year old twins he moved out May 2010
