Our situations are similar. I'm going to have to agree with Allen on the timeline. Recently, I had the timeline all figured out. I knew exactly the day he decided. It was MY fault. I worked too much, I was too involved in work, I was negative, on and on. Guess what - these were things that HE said to me. Things he convinced me were true about myself. Since I've escaped his personal attacks on me, I've realized how truly wrong he was about those things. Sure, some of it's true, I'm extremely dedicated to my career, but I've never put my career before my family - NEVER! I'm not negative, in fact, I'm extremely positive and uplifting to people around me, DAILY.
So as I pieced everything together and made it make sense in my mind - I was blindsided this weekend by something that told me that the affair hasn't been going on mere months, it's been probably a year - maybe more. In that time, we planned on buying a new house, we bought a new car, we bought a hot tub, we went on vacations with the family, we went on bike rides together, we had sex, we did ALL sorts of things. When I first suspected that he had really began pulling away, on several occasions, I offered him out after out. He said NO....he said, I was way premature in thinking that it was over, etc. This was all before I confirmed the affair. He even said he missed me and wanted to work on the marriage. We went to MC. I could go on and on. This A has been happening under my nose for so long that there is NO WAY for me to piece it together. It doesn't matter now. It happened, it's happening and it's NOT acceptable.
Please stop blaming yourself. Sure, learn from what you may have done to contribute to the marriage not being what it should be but NO ONE pushes someone to do this to another human being and their S!
Your H is selfish, selfish, selfish! Mine is too. I bet he made you think you were crazy? I bet you thought you might be. I bet he berated you and hurt your self esteem. He did this to push you away and make you THINK this was your fault. Mine did too.
Me:38 H: 45 OW:34 S:4 Bonus S: 12 and 16 2nd M for both Together 12 yrs M: 6 EA suspected: 5/10 confirmed: 7/2/10 Separated: 8/12/10
