hi pinhead thanks for writing i've come really far, i believe, in a little over a month. I was doing it all wrong - the begging, pleading, reminding him of all the great memories, blah blah blah. i do believe i've let him go. BUT, becasue i still love him dearly and know it's important for our twins, i ALWAYS invite him to what we're doing. Very casually, very easy - it's always like "hey, the twins and i are headed to the beach, i've packed food/drinks/everything, all you need to do is show up - let me know if you're interested". and, unfortunately, 99.9% of the time, i get a "no" OR no reply at all/no acknowledgement. Very sad, really. But, i say this because it's part of my being at peace with myself and the decision. So, although i get rejected by him (as do our twins) on a very regular basis, i believe in my heart that it's because somewhere deep inside he is afraid (as i think i put in my first post) to FEEL anything for me...and i believe that he knows that hanging out or doing family things may lead him to realize i'm not the monster and source of all his sadness like he has convinced himself i am. So, while Michelle talks a lot about seeing what's working and doing more of that and less of what's not working - in reality I continue to invite very easily and casually because in my heart i need to do that for myself. In fact, just tonight - he picked up the kids from work and brought them to the house (where he doesn't live any longer) - when i got home about an hour later and started making dinner, he immediately started packing up to leave (not sure where he was in such a rush to go...). So at one point i said "you know you're welcome to stay for dinner, right?" To which he responded "yes i know, thanks" and proceeded to leave. Really sorry this is so long, but i'm at the beginning of the journey and want to lay it all out there for whatever help and support i can get from everyone out here. So, back to you response to my post - i'm proud of how i'm doing with "letting him go" - but it's just so incredibly difficult and frustrating when i look in the eyes of our twins and know what they deserve and that he's just falling so short on doing that as their dad.
together 17 years married 11 years 4 year old twins he moved out May 2010
