What am I supposed to do???

[Tay Tay]

Puppy Dog Tails-lol I am his buzzkill. When he gets around me he acts like I have sucked the life out of him. What I don't understand is he is sleeping with anyone he wants to. He is going out when he wants to. He is living with the OW. He is spending what little money he has like he wants to. But he is still not happy.

[KellBell0820]

And he's probably not going to be. But he keeps projecting that unhappiness on you because he feels like he can. Draw a boundary there. When he does call you, keep the conversation minimal, don't let him try and bring you down. You have your kids, you have your life, and as far as he's concerned, you guys are doing fine. He's responsible for his own happiness, until he realizes that (because you aren't letting him project on you anymore) then it won't get better.

[Tay Tay]

KellBell0820-He is not happy at all. He is the saddest that I have seen him in my life.

I am going to start working outside of the home. I called my child support worker to ask if I could get my husband to pay extra child support to contribute to child care. I will be paying $400 a month in child care. My worker calculated our incomes and said that yes his child support would go up $100 a month. So my husband called (to check on the kids surprise surprise) and I told him that I was going to start working and he said good my child support will go down. I told him oh no actually I have to put in a modification and it is going up. He did not get mad surprisingly. He said they are already taking half my check now I have to pay more. He said I am barely making it now. He has a friend that lent him an extra car he has to go to work. My husband car got repossessed in June. He told me today that he is not driving the car it is just parked at his house because he has no money to put gas in it. I told him it is really sad the financial situation we are both in. When we were together money was not a problem. He said that he has alot going on but he does not want to involve me in his drama. I can't lie I do wonder what is going on but he did not tell me.

I am going to begin to work and go to online school. That is going to keep me extrememly busy. I met a guy that I knew back in the day. I told him about what happened to me and my husband. He picked that time to tell me that he always had a crush on me. I look forward to being in a relationship in the future but I am not ready for one now. Other than that things are okay for right now.

[KellBell0820]

Good for you Tay! I can't lie, working is my sanity. I was SAHM for the year and a half we lived in NY and, while I loved being with D and my SS's (when we had them), it also drove me crazy. I do most of my classes online too, it's been awesome, but it goes really quickly. It will definitely keep you busy though.

[Tay Tay]

KellBell0820-Thank you for the encouragement. I need something to keep me busy. I feel like I am so angry I am going to bust open these days.

Okay I am being honest because I want you all to know about my strengths as well as my weaknesses. My daughter 11 years old woke up Tuesday night with a bad dream. She began to cry and said that she wanted to call her dad. Now my oldest daughter throughout this whole situation has acted like she has not cared at all. So when she asked could she call her dad I asked was she sure. She said yes I need my daddy. So I call his number and he did not answer as usual. My daughter left him a voicemail crying and saying that she missed him and to please come home. She told him how scared she feels since he has left. She told him I know you don't love Mommy anymore but can you come back for us. She told him how hurt they are that they have not seen him. She just really poured out her heart on the phone.

So 2 days went by and I realized that my husband had not called back. So I called him and asked him if he had gotten her voicemail. He said yeah. I said and you did not call to talk to her. He said no I have been busy. I went absolutely off. I asked him what kind of man are you that you don't answer your kids phone calls and they call crying. So I told him that if he did not want to come see them then I will bring them to his job when he gets off to see them. He said not to do that because the OW picks him up. I told him she knows that you have 4 kids. I asked him if she had asked to meet them yet and he said no. I told him then great it will be a great time for her to meet them. I was just fussing and cussing at him and I could not stop. He told me he would be over to see the kids today (Saturday) and he has not come yet again. I sent him 2 or 3 very nasty emails. I know that I should have controlled my anger. I have been holding it in for so long I just busted and let it all out. I wish there was a law to make parents see there kids but I know there is not. I don't want him to do what he doesn't want to do. I am fine until one of the kids start crying and asking questions.

[gr8 day 2B alive]

TayTay,

What you are doing is totally unhealthy for your children.

You need to talk to them about the situation. Do not allow them to call H if they are going to be crying on the phone.

He will not be guilted into coming back b/c of a voicemail on is phone.

I know it's hard for you with the kids. I have been there too.

Control your anger and be the best mom (&dad) to your kids.

[Tay Tay]

gr8 day 2B alive-I understand what you are saying. I know that my husband can't be guilted into coming back. I truly believe that my husband won't even consider coming back until he is through with OW. Until he is out of that fog nothing will change with him. I have to live my life and that is what I am going to do.

[gr8 day 2B alive]

Tay Tay,

It is absolutely vital for you to move on with your life w/o H.

It is extremely difficult, I understand.

But if you make him feel he is losing you then the situation will change with OW.

[soleil]

Tay Tay,

It is absolutely vital for you to move on with your life w/o H.

It is extremely difficult, I understand.

But if you make him feel he is losing you then the situation will change with OW.

This!

[Tay Tay]

gr8 day 2B alive and soleil-You are both absolutely right. I am going to control my anger and let him go. It is hard but it can be done.

So my husband just shows up to the house on Sunday to see the kids. I am not going to lie he looked really pathetic to me. He told the kids that he is sorry that he has not been around. He told them that he has some things going on in his life right now and when he straightens them out then he will see them again. He told them that they can call him and he promises to call back. They then sat, laughed, and talked about school so far. Then he comes upstairs and starts laughing and talking to me like he did not just tell a week ago that he wanted a divorce. He acted like we were best friends. He began to tell me how he was struggling and that he was trying to fix things. He said he knew that I would not understand but there is alot of drama in his life right now. I told him that it was good that he came to see the kids and he left. After not seeing them for a month he stayed about a total of 30 minutes and that includes the 15 minutes he talked to me.