You can't have everything, where would you put it?

[ClingingToHope]

Good time with friend from New Hampshire. He said he and his ex have such a good relationship that they shared a bottle of wine when she broke up with her rebound relationship.

He just broke up with his -- they met the night before the D was final -- last week. He said she's never been married and he didn't see things working out long term with his kids.

That takes discipline.

I honestly can't imagine getting to a point where I could talk to STBXW about a romantic relationship. That's going to be hard for me. I've never had to worry about that.

Before me, the longest STBXW went out with anyone was three months. She had a series of guys who dated her until they got what they wanted and moved on. I knew of some of those guys and I was jealous. It's going to take a long time to let go.

My friend said it's taken two years to get to that point so he thinks I'll get there. I don't feel like it today.

My goal for the rest of this year is to act "as if" when I see STBXW. "As if" I don't care. Rushing the girls out of the apartment Sunday was the wrong thing to do.

I'm still going to do my best not to talk to or see STBXW, but I know I can't avoid it entirely. I feel good because we're in a stretch where I may not have to see or talk to her for a month.

Friend from last night gave me another thing to think about. I told him I'm undecided on whether to go to the final court date for the D. If evertything is decided I don't have to.

He said he didn't want to, but he did go so he'd save money. Instead of having his attorney go he went. That makes sense to me -- but I don't know.

How did everyone else handle it?

[mishka422]

I never had to go to court at all. We came to agreement in my L's office, signed everything, her assistant took it to the courthouse and the judge signed and stamped it. Done. No appearance by anyone, anywhere.

[ClingingToHope]

Good night at the marriage rebuilders/really divorce support group.

Talked about communication. We were awful at it and what I'm learning is very valuable, but it made me sad because I would have looooooveedd to know it five years ago.

The discussion was very good and we talked about forgiveness. I need to forgive myself and I need to forgive STBXW.

Not much else to report. D11 already has three late assignments and we're in our third week. None of them came on my watch, which is good. She wants to switch out of a math teacher because she says she's too hard. I said the math teacher being mean has nothing to do with missing assignments. But I also said if STBXW agrees to switch her then I'm fine with it.

D8 is doing very well. She is not on the medicine for ADHD and has not had a trip to the principal's office yet.

Nothing in two weeks on the D front.

Finances are a concern. It looks like we won't get asked to work the running race this weekend. I was counting on the money and not having to find anything to do. My Friday is full and I could play in the company softball tourney, but I would rather have worked.

Another day done.

[Drew]

D11 already has three late assignments and we're in our third week. None of them came on my watch, which is good.

It's not a competition.

[awest1217]

D11 is usually a good student, right? You may want to get her to see a C. She could be acting out by not doing her work.

[soleil]

FI told him I'm undecided on whether to go to the final court date for the D. If evertything is decided I don't have to.

He said he didn't want to, but he did go so he'd save money. Instead of having his attorney go he went. That makes sense to me -- but I don't know.

How did everyone else handle it?

This is a great question, CTH. When do you find out if everything is settled between you and stbx? Are you guys in negotiations right now?

CTH, I have to go to court on Friday since motions were filed. As for the final hearing, I decided that if I do not have to go, I won't. I believe you can forego it if you pay a small fee. I know my brother did this in his D. He and his ex never went to court once.

[ClingingToHope]

Drew, I'm not competing. I'm just saying if the late assignments were from nights I had her overnight then I'm sure she'd make it an issue. Last year we were going to go to the health club one night and STBXW threw a fit because D11 had an art project to finish. So we didn't go to the club and finished the project. We could have gotten both done.

She used that against me in mediation.

Awest, I know D11 is struggling with this. It's up to STBXW though to take her to a C. D11 has one. STBXW's the primary custodial parent and the one who wanted this. If I bring it up, she'll shoot it down for sure.

One thing I'm very concerned about is D11's weight. She is really putting on the pounds. STBXW is as well and although she talks to D11 about eating better, she never talks to her about exercising. And then STBXW leads by example by sitting on the couch all night watching TV. The girls never see her exercising.

This is a touchy area. I want her to be healthy, but I don't want her to develop body image issues. She's bringing it up to me though, and I tell her eating is only half the equation, you have to move to burn calories.

They've been to my basketball games and softball games. I weigh 10 pounds more than I did in high school. I know what I'm talking about.

Well, I will see STBXW. D8 is home sick and STBXW will drop the girls off at my place at 4:15 p.m. I was tempted to text back and say "make it 4:20 p.m." because the after school sitter would be there by then, but that's silly. I need to go home for a bit and clean up since she's sick. Disinfect some stuff.

I do not want to see her, but I'm done running from her.

Exchanged texts with Church_31. I'm staying in touch once a week until the church group starts meeting regularly again. Her job runs out at the end of the month and she starts school to get a degree in nutrition in second semester. So she's going to collect unemployment and work out and work around her house.

It is a goal of mine that if things don't work out with her boyfriend and the D is done, I will ask her out. Nothing ventured nothing gained. Even if I get rejected it'll help me get over the fear of rejection.

Looks like I'm not working this weekend. I could use the money, but I'll be OK. I've got things to do all weekend.

[Drew]

CTH,

Drew, I'm not competing. I'm just saying if the late assignments were from nights I had her overnight then I'm sure she'd make it an issue. Last year we were going to go to the health club one night and STBXW threw a fit because D11 had an art project to finish. So we didn't go to the club and finished the project. We could have gotten both done.

Then you should have done both.

She used that against me in mediation.

Isn't mediation over?

Awest, I know D11 is struggling with this. It's up to STBXW though to take her to a C. D11 has one. STBXW's the primary custodial parent and the one who wanted this. If I bring it up, she'll shoot it down for sure.

It's up to her parents to get her the help she needs. Don't punish your daughter because her mother is divorcing you.

And then STBXW leads by example by sitting on the couch all night watching TV. The girls never see her exercising.

How do you know?

Your anger with STBXW will only hurt your daughters.

[ClingingToHope]

Drew it's not as cut and dried as you portray it. And yes, I know STBXW does not push exercise. Her quality time with them is spent watching TV and cooking.

[ClingingToHope]

On a lighter note. I got an "interest" in Match.com. She's beautiful, my age, three kids ... and two hours away.

How would that work? Oh well.