You need to record any future conversations you have with OMW. If you can call her back and talk to her again about this regarding the A, and have her admit to you that she spoke with her H and he admitted it, this would be very helpful in any case you have with the courts.
Or talk to OM. Ask him how long he has been having sx with your W. If he admits to A, you can use that too.
Evidence of an A is not just a grounds for D, but it can affect alimony. Just FYI - not sure if that is the same where you live but is a factor in D where I am.
----"Et tu, Brute?"---- me:28 W:24 S4 T:6 M:4 EA Exposed: 5/21/10 Bomb: 6/20/10 (Father's Day) NC w/ OM: 7/10/10 W moved out 8/21/10 http://bit.ly/aOrZne - My sitch
loved steve mcqueen the actor. you sir are a ribald fellow. for the most part i am not interested in other women @ this time. like most men, sure i check out a passing woman but the one i want for me is the one that does not want me. go figure. so like life.
Read me as you may. Past, present, whats the difference?
What makes your past behaviors acceptable and your wife's current behaviors not?
You opened the door. Can you not accept the consequences of your actions?
Originally Posted By: Savemymarr
i was close to having PA/fling 6/97 but never consummated. W remembers clearly. she believes i have fooled around several times during the course of our marriage bc i am HD. but did not. flirt, yes. underwear off? no. EA? no. she had found an email to a friend where I referenced that attempt in 6/97.
Save I am not an expert but the one thing I have learned on my 3 month roller coaster ride is you cant save your marriage, you can only save your self and that may save your marriage. Good luck.
M40, W 37 M 11 1/2 y T 13 y D filed 5-18-10 S 5-29-10 OM1 discovered 6-5-10 Counter sued for d 6-16-10 OM2 discovered 8-10-10 OM3, OM4 4 kids 10, 7, & 3 D date 10-14-10 http://tiny.cc/mxzct
Thanks Tex. I will think about changing my handle to 42andsadinCT. i really do not know where to turn right now. i am distraught b/c i just noticed a $1250 check pending in our joint bank acct. i did not write it nor remember that much going out recently. it can only mean one thing, no? and it was posted today. Could this mean that she was already in the works of doing something last week after seeing that lawyer like she said she did? She was nice over the w/e. I never knew. But then again no surprise bc she lied about the OM right up until the very end. Good poker player I guess. Can say that in some ways I truly have not seen that part of her before. I can only guess that this plan for a divorce was in line w/ her plan to maybe run off with this charmer?
It was not enough to see her do this once last year. now to witness this a 2nd time? And this guy? I talked to his wife. He is a heavy drinker, verbally abusive, loud, anger issues and a womanizer to boot having done this to several women like my wife all via Facebook in the past year let alone throughout their marriage. The OMW has been great and really forthcoming, and she was really at a loss to explain why she stays with him. He has not allowed her to view the phone records for over a year. He finally broke down when confronted last night.
She has shared everything including a in depth discussion of the kind of man he is, his prior exploits and those phone records. My wife’s been driving me to work bc we have been down to one car, and I was shocked (actually maybe not) to learn that she would call him as soon as she dropped me off in the morning and right before picking me up in the afternoon. Many times during day too. And if I worked evenings, she would call him @ 11:30 right before picking me up. She used to complain that I was a stalker bc I would call once a day w/ a couple of texts!
I stopped doing bc I did not want to press. I was trying DB and taking a stand back. GAL. 180s. sometimes not enough. Could I have done better. Yes. I have certainly have my issues. We all do, but overall I have been one motivated man in the past year upon discovering that my marriage was in danger of foundering. It has been over a year now (15 months?). My marriage, my family and my future were depending on it. unbelievable. i took this OM2 pretty coolly, but this divorce thing (if true) has really threwn a jolt into me. i am quaking. i have no one really to turn to. i feel so alone. What do I do? I am just venting. I am not running around with my hands thrown up but feel that way.
She is not in her right mind! I know this. You all have told me this. You have told your stories and I know this. But it is another thing to feel this and experience it yourself. I could not sleep last night. Woke up with a tremor. Working today. On arrival here I noticed the check and BOOM.
knowing that there are others out there like me going thru what i am going thru is helping a lot. I read about the experiences and am trying to use it to navigate my own journey. It all feels so hopeless and sad. Does she really hate me so much? She said this is why I will divorce you last night when I was finally blasting the EA. Do they all say that? Maybe I am looking for someone to assure me or “hold my hand.” Is it hopeless? I know that the right answer is no. I do not want to know the statistics though. : )
over this past w/e I was enjoying every moment. The sun, sky, the whoosh of the wind as I rode bike w/ my 9 y/o, trying to balance my 7 y/o as he’s learning to bike, throwing the football in the front yard, looking at the house, noticing the cracks in our kitchen floor, looking out the window… watching her sideways as she walks around and tends to the children. I told her. You are a great mom. No doubt. But this whole past 1-2 years has not been good. Rollercoaster. I do not want to be that guy in the restaurant sitting with a bunch of kids on my w/e with them. I grew up without a father and vowed to be one to my kids. I do not want my kids to be me. I read Judith Wallerstein’s book the Unexpected Legacy of Divorce and was horrified. I am remembering my 7 y/o’s bday 2 weeks ago where we went down to NYC and walked around like a family. The kids, my wife and I. all the while she was engaged in that thing with OM2, albeit sounds like mostly an EA (w/ some painful things and endearments she was calling him like “baby” which she has never done with me in all my recollection). The vacations and trips. The school concerts and outings. The picnics. Our honeymoon. Our first apt. our first house. Painting it. Moving in. the 2nd house where we live now. Nice yard. Carrying a mattress in on a station wagon…
I had the wife read some of it a couple of weeks ago and her take? “they’ll be alright” more or less. “they will have to be.” Are we beyond redemption and forgiveness? Sorry if I am ranting. I need to do it somewhere bc I do not have anyone here at work.
You are right. I have to save myself. Don’t know where to begin right now. Still processing. Have to finish up sending out the email to friends and family re: OM2. I called my SIL w/ whom I have a good relationship. She said the W denied everything. She told my SIL that she wants a D bc of our differences.
What if I feel at this very moment is: outrage, shock, disappointment, anger, unsteady, shaky, unmoored, at a loss, lonely, tired and somewhat hopeless. It brings to mind a saying I saw on this forum: when you are down to nothing, God is up to something. I am at my lowest. Looking at this from the bright side? At least I know which way I have to travel.
I have been and live what you are felling, disconecting from her has been very good for me. Good Luck
My stbexw OM # 1 was married and had 5 kids, we have 4 did she really think it would work, I guess not it lasted about 3 months. The last month she has been playing the field introducing kids to OM 2, 3, 4. Remember this is not the woman you married she is gone will she ever come back? I don't know but don't be suprised by anything.
Last edited by 40andsadintexas; 09/07/1009:50 PM.
M40, W 37 M 11 1/2 y T 13 y D filed 5-18-10 S 5-29-10 OM1 discovered 6-5-10 Counter sued for d 6-16-10 OM2 discovered 8-10-10 OM3, OM4 4 kids 10, 7, & 3 D date 10-14-10 http://tiny.cc/mxzct
btw sandi, i noticed your question on re-reading the posts. keylogger program. what a godsend. the wife was in awe last night. how did you do that? she asked me. r u a hacker? no, just a motivated 42 y/o father of five children who happens to love you and recognize that you are doing yourself and all of us in the same boat with you grave harm.
one problem is dealing w/ a crazed spouse who has been exposed as a cheater, PEAs running rampant in her brain and irate as all get out with access to a joint checking acct writing checks as retainers for blood suckers, i mean lawyers. i am so tempted to change my direct deposit from the joint acct to one in just my own name. i do the bills now. i would periodically replenish funds for living expenses too.
