She was really nice but had a cold look on her face, said that she saw I was making changes and liked them, but didn't want to give me false hope, etc.
It is absolutely crystal clear to me now that she doesn't want to be in THIS marriage.
She doesn't want to give you false hope--you know what that means.
Panic attacks are NOT fun and I definitely recommend seeing a doctor about that. You dont want that happening if/when you are driving somewhere (or ever, really).
Go to the dr. today. I say that (and added the other R stuff in my post) because your body/mind had a panic attack while talking to your W. That will be your "panic trigger". Until you get that under control you are not in a good space to be around your W.
The level of panic you describe is debilitating. AD's are the base of the treatment but when panic reaches a certain level you need more than a base (very temporarily).
I know this is hard and VERY scary but please consider seeking medical help. Panic attacks quickly become aggressive.
It's going to be okay even though it doesn't feel like it. Just be aware of your current triggers.
It's going to be okay even though it doesn't feel like it.
Yes, you will be fine.
Watch how you talk to yourself - you are not broken. You are John, there is nothing broken, bad or wrong with you. Sure you can grow, learn and improve yourself but you are complete and just fine.
Take care of yourself and get professional help. You can handle it.
Coach
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Thanks guys - I have seen an IC who prescribed me anti-dep's about 2 weeks ago. They help me sleep and eat better and keep my anxiety under wraps. My W called my Doc and I'll go see him ASAP. I just took a double dose today to get myself under control and that seemed to help.
Thanks everyone - I'm sure that you guys understand how rough this is. I just let the dam break today and my emotions came flooding over the wall with terrible anxiety.
----"Et tu, Brute?"---- me:28 W:24 S4 T:6 M:4 EA Exposed: 5/21/10 Bomb: 6/20/10 (Father's Day) NC w/ OM: 7/10/10 W moved out 8/21/10 http://bit.ly/aOrZne - My sitch
Please do NOT take double doses of AD's unless your dr. has told you to. It is VERY dangerous. AD's break the blood/brain barrier (it is the nature of how they work) and any changes made to AD's should not be done w/o the help of your dr.
AD's aren't designed to ease the immediate feeling of panic.
I am only saying this with such passion because I decided I knew better than my dr. how to medicate myself and even doing it a few times is very detrimental to the therapy.
AD's take several weeks (usually more than two) to reach a therapeutic level so extra doses wont help.
Agree with CG -- ask your doc about this. Mine gave me two completely different kinds: one, a broad-range AD/AA to "even me out" that took about 2-3 weeks to kick in, and one an "as-needed" AA (anti-anxiety) med for panic attacks: take 1/2 to 1 tablet as needed" kinda thing.
I'm not a doctor, but I'm pretty sure you can't ask the first type to do the job of the second type, even if you take two of 'em.
Thanks for the tip puppy.. I'll ask my doc about it. Usually I start to panic around 11:30pm or so when my meds wear off. it will be nice to have something on standby if needed.
Doses were 12 hours apart today instead of 24. I think I will be alright.
----"Et tu, Brute?"---- me:28 W:24 S4 T:6 M:4 EA Exposed: 5/21/10 Bomb: 6/20/10 (Father's Day) NC w/ OM: 7/10/10 W moved out 8/21/10 http://bit.ly/aOrZne - My sitch
I'm sorry you had the bad episode today. I hope that your doctor can help you with this. I know that you are under a lot of pressure, but I do really think that you need to not draw any conclusions about your marriage at this time. Don't decide she loves you, and don't decide she doesn't love you. Just try to accept that things are unknown at this time. It can go either way. It might be best to keep it to kid exchanges with the wife until you get to Retrouvaille. But do not cancel going to Retrouvaille.
Go to a lawyer and file for divorce tomorrow, do not get behind like I did you file and get your tempoary orders this puts you in the drivers seat. You do not want to be along for the ride like me.
M40, W 37 M 11 1/2 y T 13 y D filed 5-18-10 S 5-29-10 OM1 discovered 6-5-10 Counter sued for d 6-16-10 OM2 discovered 8-10-10 OM3, OM4 4 kids 10, 7, & 3 D date 10-14-10 http://tiny.cc/mxzct
I had a panic attack too, about 3 weeks ago, same as you..I just "lost it".
That very day, I made an appt , and got my butt into my doctor for some anti anxiety meds, and some sleeping meds too.
We need to do whatever it is we need to do to get oursleves through our M issues..and short term usage of the meds help big time.
As Coach said, you are not broken, you are a wonderful person, (don't know you of course, but I read all your threads and your goodness shines through) and you will be fine. It's one foot in front of the other, every day.
All of us are going through rough times, but we will be okay.
