Long story short, she came over for lunch and as leaving said she was hiring the mediator and was calling them today. I told her OK, do what you have to do, I understand.
Then something overcame me, nothing I've experience before. I had a very serious panic attack. Very serious. Started hyperventilating and crying - it was pretty bad. She took me back inside and called my doctor, I was a mess for an hour or so. Completely back-tracked 100% and said all the wrong things, but I couldn't help it, something took over my body and mind and I just had the most horrible feeling like I was going to die inside and I was so broken. I don't know what brought it on, but the stress of all of it just caught up with me and I broke terribly and she was there helping me.
She was really nice but had a cold look on her face, said that she saw I was making changes and liked them, but didn't want to give me false hope, etc.
It is absolutely crystal clear to me now that she doesn't want to be in THIS marriage. She loves me, but can't live with me. Doesn't know if she ever can even if I make all those changes. I'm seeing now that holding on to hope this hard has only given me heartbreak.
Pretty terrible day. I guess I've hit my breaking point finally. I didn't think I could go any lower. I have. I'm absolutely broken now. Still going to Retrouvialle, she said we could talk more about it there.
Sorry everyone - I'm so sorry i broke every piece of advice given me here. I've slid 100% backwards. Time to pick myself up I guess.
Last edited by john28; 09/07/1008:09 PM.
----"Et tu, Brute?"---- me:28 W:24 S4 T:6 M:4 EA Exposed: 5/21/10 Bomb: 6/20/10 (Father's Day) NC w/ OM: 7/10/10 W moved out 8/21/10 http://bit.ly/aOrZne - My sitch
